


Star Wars: Blurred Lines

by Felilla



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friendship, Romance, Science Fiction, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-03-05 00:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13375965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felilla/pseuds/Felilla
Summary: An AU story. Anakin Skywalker lost everything when his mother died and yet, he gained everything when Ahsoka Tano appeared. Eventual Anisoka. More or less a series of one-shots that'll eventually follow a plot. Rated T for strong language and violence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Star Wars AU, more or less a rewrite based on this video: /watch?v=WAov5pHDvQY
> 
> I'm going to try avoid redoing most scenes in the movie and show since it's basically the same and do more "behind the scenes" stuff.
> 
> Main change: Anakin and Padme never fell in love, but they are still good friends, almost on the level of siblings. No Padme hate here.
> 
> Rated T for Violence, Strong Language, and Eventual Implied Sexual Content
> 
> This is eventually going to be an Anisoka story, so don't read if you don't like it. For the most part, their bond will be platonic {but very deep, loving, and intimate} and non-sexual until Ahsoka turns 18. So... Slow burn warning, I guess.
> 
> I plan for this to be a very long story, so please enjoy the ride.
> 
> P.S. I don't own the Star Wars franchise. It is the product of the mind of George Lucas and the property of Disney.

_Tatooine_

_22 BBY_

This is where he was born. And, he realized as he crumpled in front of his mother's grave, this is where he died too. Anakin dug his fingers into his scalp as the tears streamed down his face. His mother, the last tie to his past, his last connection. Severed by Tusken Raiders. Raiders that he slaughtered. Without mercy. Without compassion. Men, women, and children.

Even then, he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life.

His companion, Padme, hovered behind him, a gentle and calming presence behind him. He inhaled, muttering his apologies to his mother. With each word, his volume rose until he was screaming to the heavens. To the blue Tatooine sky. To the Force. Who the fuck knew? He was just screaming.

Padme pulled him into a hug, but even the comfort of one of his closest friends wasn't enough to quiet the torment inside of him.

* * *

_Christophsis_

_22 BBY_

"Our cruiser is finally back."

Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, his lips quirked into a small smile. The war raged on around them, background music for the past year. Ever the peacekeepers, the Jedi sided with the Republic, a system that had long since supported and loved them. "Time for some reinforcements," the newly appointed Jedi Knight rubbed his hands together in anticipation. They'd held off for as long as they could, but even the Jedi lose sometimes.

"Looks like all of our problems are solved," Obi-Wan huffed out a small laugh. "Fresh troops, new supplies, and perhaps they brought my new Padawan with them."

"You really think it's a good idea to bring a Padawan learner into all of this?" Anakin questioned with a quirked eyebrow.

"I spoke to Master Yoda about it..." Obi-Wan glanced at his long-time friend and former apprentice. "You should put in a request for one. You'd make a good teacher."

Anakin burst out laughing and shook his head. What kind of ideas went through Obi-Wan's head sometimes? "No thanks," he dismissed his Force brother's suggestion.

"Teaching is a... Privilege."

"You don't sound so sure about that," Anakin smirked at him.

"And it's part of a Jedi's responsibility to train the next generation."

Anakin rolled his eyes, "A Padawan would just slow me down."

They pulled to a stop in front of the cruiser as the hangar door descended. Anakin's eyebrows shot up when a single figure emerged from the ship, a small and young Togruta girl. She looked like a rebellious teenager in her tube top, miniskirt, and leggings. A lightsaber swung back and forth at her side. "A youngling?" Obi-Wan muttered next to him, sounding equally confused.

"And... Who are you supposed to be?"

She stared up at them with wide blue eyes, the color of the Coruscant sky. R2D2 beeped in agreement of Anakin's statement, questioning the presence of the girl. "I'm Ahsoka?" she lifted her shoulders into a half-shrug. "I was told to tell both of you that you must get back to the Jedi Temple immediately. There's an emergency."

She talked with her hands, he noticed. Very animatedly too, throwing her arms back and forth with a kind of energy that only younglings possessed. Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan before turning back to the girl. He mimicked her aggressive motions, "Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in a bit of an emergency, right  _here_."

The Togruta, Ahsoka, crossed her arms, apparently unimpressed by his dramatic display. Obi-Wan sighed, "Yes, our communications have been a bit unreliable, but we've been calling for help."

She quirked a white eye-marking at them. Convenient that they formed the same arch as eyebrows. "Master Yoda hadn't heard from you..." she glanced between them. "So he sent me to deliver the message."

Anakin huffed and flung his arms out, "Oh great! They don't even know we're in trouble!"

"M-maybe-"

He turned towards the girl as she inhaled. "Maybe you can relay a message on the cruiser that just dropped me off?"

That... That wasn't a bad idea. Obi-Wan turned to him with a smug smirk splashed across his features and Anakin rolled his eyes.

A quick message later, many things were cleared up. Anakin found himself a little surprised at the familiarity in which Master Yoda referred to the youngling. Just  _Ahsoka_. When the hologram cut out, Obi-Wan turned to the young girl. "It's time for a proper introduction," he stepped forward and Anakin begrudgingly turned towards them.

"I'm the new Padawan learner," she smiled brightly at the two men. "I'm Ahsoka Tano."

"I am Obi-Wan Kenobi," Obi-Wan crossed his arms behind his back. "Your new Master."

A flash of confusion crossed her features as looked between both of them. "I'm at your service, Master Kenobi, but I'm afraid I've actually been assigned to," she pointed to Anakin. "Master Skywalker."

Anakin blanked. What? What did she say? "What?" a sudden panic set in as he paced around behind Obi-Wan, a habit from when he was a Padawan. "No, no, no, no. There must be some mistake.  _He's_ the one who wanted the Padawan."

She crossed her arms over her chest and suddenly, any demeanor of timidness and humility washed away. "No," she shook her head. "Master Yoda was very specific. I'm assigned to Anakin Skywalker and he is to supervise my Jedi training."

Obi-Wan pursed his lips as he looked between the two of them. "But that doesn't make any sense!" he protested.

"We'll sort this out later," his former's master amused expression gave away more information that he likely intended. "It won't be long until those droids find a way around our cannons."

Anakin switched back into soldier mode, something he'd cultivated over the months. "I'll check on Rex and the lookout post."

"You'd better take her with you."

He wanted to throw a temper tantrum, but he was a Jedi Knight... And an adult. That didn't mean he had to respond though.

* * *

_The Jedi Temple on Coruscant_

_22 BBY_

Home. It amazed Anakin how dependent he'd become on the white walls and columns. The stairs and the private quarters. A moment of quiet away from the hectic moments of war. He approached his door with caution, acutely aware of the Togruta girl hovering behind him. The extra room in his Jedi Knight apartment belonged to her now, it seemed. Her bare possessions had been moved in there. He exhaled through his nose. He'd accepted her as his Padawan, but this would take some getting used to.

For now, there was a ritual to complete.

They entered the room and each, wordlessly, walked to opposite sides of the main lounge.

Anakin settled into a familiar stance, facing towards Ahsoka as she eased into hers. She looked peaceful this way. Her muscles settled into a relaxed state he could only hope to achieve. Meditation rarely brought clarity or peace for him.

Who knew how long passed?

In their apartment, they meditated. Like always, Anakin felt himself tense, a darkness inside of him acute in this state, haunting him. He resisted it, reaching through the Force. Everything thrummed with the energy of the world and he felt a bit more comfortable around the familiar surroundings of his home.

He pushed a little further, dove a little deeper.

Anakin nearly leaped out of his meditative state when he found her. Ahsoka, a bright string of light in a monochrome world. Her quiet gasp echoed through his ears, only just a few feet away, and yet, lightyears of space between separating them. The light reached out towards him and, after a long moment of hesitation, he reached out towards it.

Their lifeforces connected and across the universe, the Force trembled. An unbreakable bond had been formed, deeper than the one Anakin formed with Obi-Wan. It meshed and thrummed with a stable pocket of its own Force.

A grey force.


	2. Chapter 2

_En Route to Coruscant from the Devaron System_

Ahsoka Tano considered herself to be a lot of things. A Jedi. A Padawan. Reckless. Brave. Strong.

A damsel in distress was not something she claimed to be. She detested the idea of being reduced to such a stereotype. And yet, that's often where her decisions landed her. Anakin had saved her... Again...

She watched him pace back and forth. Tears itched at her eyes, but she refused to cry, especially in front of him. Her Master and, she was quickly learning, her best friend. She couldn't disappoint him. Not again.

"What were you thinking?!" he exclaimed as he finally turned to face her. Worry and concern rattled at the bond between them.

"I wasn't."

The two words passed between them verbally and mentally, striking deeper than she intended them to. Anakin groaned and turned to leave as she stood. "Master," she tried feebly.

"Don't," he sighed with a visible wince and shoved a hand through his hair. "Please don't call me that when we're alone, for Force sake."

She blinked, startled by the sadness that radiated from him.  _Master_... Such a simple word, but he'd been a slave, she realized. The title of "Master" was a double-edged sword for him. "Anakin," she said, once again trying to gain his attention. He didn't look at her, but she had his focus. "I'm really sorry."

"Sorry doesn't always cut it, Snips," he turned to her, eyebrows furrowed with a concern he saved for her. "What if something happened to you? What then?"

Her gaze focused on the door behind him. No doubt the entire regiment was listening in on their conversation. Their Force signatures thumped against her chest, all somehow familiar, but also so very, very different. She heaved in a deep sigh and hugged her arms to her body. "It wouldn't matter," she answered truthfully because, in the grand scheme of things, it  _wouldn't_  matter. Anakin would find a new Padawan. The war would continue on. Her life was just one of billions in the galaxy and not even a significant one at that.

His expression eased and his robotic hand settled between her montrals, startling her into looking up at him. "It matters to me," his free hand curled into a fist. "You matter to me."

Ahsoka's chest tightened as she stared at her Master. No, at Anakin. She dove into his arms as a sob bubbled over. He stiffened under her grip, but as her deep breaths turned into weeping, his arms encased her. Warm and safe. She was safe. "I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again until the three words didn't sound like words any longer.

She didn't know how they ended up kneeling on the floor, but she was glad they did because she doubted her legs would've been able to hold her up. They continued to sit like that on the cold metal floor long after she stopped crying. Just silent. At some point, they'd both slipped into a meditative state, her snow white presence curled around Anakin's pale grey one.

A knock startled them out of the deep silence and they jumped away from each other. As if hugging was something wrong. Maybe it was, Ahsoka thought. "We're back," Rex called through the door.

Five hours. They'd been like that for the entire five hour trip to Coruscant. They stared at each other, listening to Rex's receding steps, until Ahsoka's stomach grumbled. She hadn't eaten in almost an entire day. Anakin chuckled, the sound light and welcome in the tense atmosphere. "Come on, Snips. Let's get you something to eat."

"Okay, Anakin."

* * *

_The Jedi Temple_

Meals at the Temple were always welcomed after the grub they offered in the barracks. Ahsoka nibbled on her Nerf bacon, her gaze on Anakin as he munched on some kind of sandwich at their kitchen table. A joke had begun to spread through the temple that the two were inseparable. Ahsoka closed her eyes, feeling the thrum of Anakin's emotions against hers. He felt at peace, a rarity for him. They'd been apart since they became Master and Padawan, but only for a few days at a time. And, she often found, they'd spend hours after that regaling the tales of their separate missions.

"You okay there, Snips?"

Ahsoka opened her eyes when she heard Anakin's voice. She stared down at her mostly untouched food. "Yeah," heat crawled up her neck at being caught for losing herself in thoughts.

"What's on your mind?"

She quirked an eye-marking at him, genuinely surprised by the wave of curiosity that rolled off of him. "Nothing much," she shrugged with a bright smile. She decided to push away her other thoughts in favor of another topic that had been floating around in her head for awhile. "I think I want to learn how to fight with two lightsabers."

"Really?" he tapped his fingers against the metallic table, a ringing sound emulating from each movement. "You can't even hold one lightsaber properly."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile off of her face. "Oh hah hah, Anakin," she shook her head. "I'm serious though."

"You've been thinking about this for awhile, haven't you?"

She nodded and prodded at her food with her finger. "I think Jar'Kai would benefit my fighting style and-"

"Is this about Ventress?"

What? Ahsoka blinked at Anakin. "I just..." she sighed. "Maybe it is a little bit about Ventress."

"Ahsoka..."

" _But_!" she asserted the word. "I have other reasons too. The whole thing with her just kinda affirmed what I already was thinking about."

Anakin nodded slowly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I can help you with that to an extent, but you'll have to practice on your own too."

"I know," she shifted awkwardly in her seat. "But once I perfect it, will you take me to Ilum to construct a second lightsaber?"

He raised an eyebrow at her before leaning back with a smirk, "Of course, Snips."

* * *

Ahsoka heaved in a deep breath as she deflected another shot of blaster fire. The training room droned on around her as she practiced her Jar'Kai. She watched people come and go throughout the day, but she remained in the farthest corner of the chamber. Alone.

The apartment felt empty without Anakin in it. Togruta were a social species and in that big empty suite, loneliness crushed her. Everybody she enjoyed the company of was gone. She blocked another shot before realizing she'd used her dominant hand. She groaned in frustration and reset the trainer. Her wrists flicked with each movement, deflecting blow after blow. It was methodical, an echo of her years of training as a youngling.

"You've progressed," a voice said from the other side of the training room.

Ahsoka jumped as the trainer powered down. Anakin leaned against the entry to the room. The empty room. When had everyone cleared out? Her gaze darted to the floor-to-ceiling windows where Coruscant's nightlife thrived. She lost track of time. She turned back to Anakin with a smile, "Thank you, Anakin."

He stepped over the threshold and the door hissed closed behind him. His lips quirked into a small smirk, "I went to the apartment and you weren't there."

Before she could stop herself, she barreled into him. He stumbled back as her arms wrapped around him. "Force, I missed you."

Anakin chuckled, the sound as nervous as the emotions wavering inside of him. Oh... She stepped back and stared up at him, a blush rising into her face and montrals. "Sorry."

"It's..." he looked down at her. "Fine? How long have you been up here, Snips?"

She glanced back at the night sky before offering him a half-hearted shrug, "Few hours."

His eyes bore into her until she turned back to him. "Fine... More like since sunrise."

"Have you eaten?"

She shook her head with the sudden realization that she hadn't, in fact, eaten anything all day. This was starting to become something of a habit, it seemed. Forgetting to eat because she was so wrapped up in her own work. Which seemed strange to her, somebody who loved food. Anakin placed a hand on her shoulder and Ahsoka ignored the flash of fondness that passed between them. "I figured. I haven't either."

* * *

They were there again.

Seated across from each other at their white kitchen table. Anakin described his mission in great detail and Ahsoka found herself absorbed in his words. In the words he used and the occasional sound effect. Outside of their space, he always frowned, was always serious. Here, in the privacy of their home, he opened up a bit more.

She liked it, she decided.

If Anakin wasn't a Jedi, he would've made a great storyteller, she decided.

He has beautiful eyes, she decided.

And promptly blushed. Anakin faltered in his description as she lowered her head and turned away. The silence that passed between them felt strained and so unlike them that it made her stomach sink. She turned back to him with a genuine smile, "And then what happened, Skyguy?"

He watched her for a few more seconds before continuing his story. Like nothing had happened. And maybe, nothing had.


	3. Chapter 3

She still looked cold. Ahsoka rubbed her hands together and breathed on them again. Anakin stood close to her, his blue eyes focused on her shivering form. No signs of hypothermia, thankfully, but that didn't mean much to either of them.

She glanced up when her master draped a blanket over her. "Thank you," she tugged the fabric closer to her body, snuggling into the warmth.

"No problem, Snips," he turned away before sitting down on the couch next to her.

He turned on a holo, some old drama show about a wealthy family on Coruscant. Neither of them really seemed to be watching it anyways. Something dropped onto Anakin's shoulder and he startled, glancing down at the Togruta. Her head leaned against his shoulder as she dozed quietly. He stared at her, his eyes tracing over her white markings again and again until he had them memorized. They would change one day, morph into different shapes and patterns.

Ahsoka abruptly lurched forward, gasping for air as she clutched at her chest. A visible shudder shook her body and she planted her hands on either side of her. Anakin placed a hand on her shoulder, but her focus remained on something in the distance. Something he couldn't see.

The human Jedi rounded so he was facing Ahsoka and placed a hand on either one of her shoulders. "Ahsoka?" he said in a soft voice, his eyes searching hers.

Her gaze eventually zoned in on him. "Anakin..." his name fell from her mouth, vulnerable and alone.

He tugged her against him and she melted into his grasp. "I'm sorry," she said, a newfound strength in her voice.

She attempted to pull away, but Anakin just held her tighter. They stayed like that for a few minutes until she finally moved back. Instead of releasing her though, Anakin placed his forehead against hers. "I should've been there," he said with his eyes closed.

"You still saved me, Skyguy," she replied with a hint of chuckle in her voice. "Seems like you're always doing that, huh?"

Anakin laughed, still refusing to let her go. Every time he let her go, she got hurt. She playfully shoved him and he finally eased his eyes open. "Stop being such a sap," she laughed gently, but didn't pull their foreheads away.

"Do you want to..." Anakin was never good with feelings or helping others feel better. Empathy and sympathy didn't come easily to him. "Talk about it?"

This time, she burst out into laughter and leaned her head back against the couch. They sat on the floor, only inches away from each other. "I think-" she heaved in a breath of air and tried to calm her giggles. "I think I'll just meditate on it, Anakin."

"Oh," Anakin's flash of disappointment startled both him and his Padawan.

She stared at him, her head slightly tilted. He returned her look. "I..." she turned away with a slight blush. "Will you meditate with me?"

He nodded.

* * *

How did they end up in this position? Anakin remembered their accidental meditation aboard the ship and he found this situation similar. Except now, they were willingly entering a meditative state like this. And now, their hands were clasped and their foreheads pressed together, but Anakin had never felt more peaceful.

His force signature meshed with Ahsoka's in a way he'd never experienced before. Like the first time they bonded, she was overwhelming, such a strong part of the Force around them. He found himself enraptured by it.  _Connected_  to it. She breathed softly right in front of him, but the sound might as well as been a million miles away.

This was way too intimate, he realized. But he didn't mind and Ahsoka didn't seem to mind either. Besides, this was just meditation.

And he felt more at ease than he'd ever been. He felt safe in a way he'd only felt with his mother. But he also sensed Ahsoka's turmoil and trauma. He reached out into her signature, kneading at it and relaxing it like a massage therapist might do to muscles. The intensity in her light softened as she leaned into him.

He needed this. He inhaled sharply at the realization that he would become dependent on this form of relaxation. Words from Obi-Wan, his brother, could only assuage so much. Comfort from Padme, his sister, could only soothe for a moment. But this... It felt like screaming into a void, releasing all of that tension. Despite how  _wrong_  this probably would be considered in the eyes of the Council, it felt so  _right_.

They both emerged from their deep mediation at the same time, gasping in deep breaths of air. Ahsoka gripped his hands tighter and whispered a quiet thanks. Her fingers were freezing, he noticed, but her face was warm. Neither of them moved. "We should probably go to sleep," she breathed out, her words barely loud enough to be heard.

"Yeah."

Ahsoka pulled back her first, her expression sheepish. She released one of his hands and he found himself grasping at the empty air momentarily. She scratched her cheek, "I don't really want to go to bed... Alone..."

He gave her words a few moments to sink in before standing. The thought of returning to his own bed, alone and cold, after what he just experienced filled him with dread. They stood together and he interlaced their fingers. "You don't have to."

* * *

They didn't fall asleep for a few more hours. Anakin and Ahsoka laid next to each other, their hands tangled underneath the sheets as they talked about... Everything... The mediation left him open and vulnerable. He shared stories about his life as a slave, about his experiences as a Padawan. Ahsoka admitted that she she used to get bullied by the other younglings because she was more advanced than them.

"Really?" Anakin looked down at her, but he couldn't really see her in the dark. She could probably see him better with her Togruta eyes.

She nodded and buried her face in her pillow, "It's one of the reasons I don't really talk to any of the other younglings."

His free fingers grazed her cheek and she leaned into her touch. "Well, I doubt those other younglings are as far in their Padawan training as you."

Ahsoka's quiet laugh filled the room. "Yeah, I guess you're right... Sorry, my childhood problems are so petty compared to yours."

Anakin let his fingers trail across her montrals and lekku, "No, your problems are just a valid as mine. It's not a competition and different situations affect people differently."

"You should write self-help articles," she teased and he chuckled before rolling onto his back.

A moment of silence passed between them before he turned back to her, "What would you be doing if you weren't a Jedi?"

She didn't respond and he wondered if she'd fallen asleep. After a few seconds, her quiet voice filled the room. "I don't know honestly. I'd probably be a farmer on Shili."

Ahsoka didn't ask him to answer the question because they both knew the answer. Her freezing hand settled against his cheek before she carded her fingers through his hair. He settled into her touch, a memory of his mother doing the same thing to him when he was a boy rising to the surface. A low noise escaped from her and he realized that Ahsoka was humming. The tune was unfamiliar to him, but it sounded distinctly like a lullaby.

He didn't know when he fell asleep, but when he did, she was still by his side.


	4. Chapter 4

Ahsoka woke up with a strange warmth pressed against her back. She squirmed a bit, her gaze following the arm draped over her waist to Anakin's sleeping face. This was highly inappropriate, she realized. If someone walked in on them, there would be consequences, even if them sleeping in the same bed was an innocent interaction.

Even so, she closed her eyes and snuggled closer against her Master's heated form. She had no intention in moving until she had to. Anakin's fingers grazed the small patch of skin on her hip from where he nightshirt had ridden up. A light, gentle touch that moved ever so slightly in his sleep.

She started to doze off again when he shifted, his hand trailing lower. Something fluttered in Ahsoka's stomach, something that she'd never felt before. A soft groan escaped his mouth and she snapped her eyes closed again. She prayed that he'd just fall back asleep because she had no doubt that he would pull away as soon as he realized where they were. What position they were in.

"Ahsoka?" he said her name in such a soft way that she practically melted as his breath tickled the back of her neck. "You awake?"

Why she ignored his question, she'd never be able to answer. He murmured her name again and she found herself barely being able to hear him over the sound of her own pulse. He'd probably notice that she wasn't sleeping. Probably felt her anxiety. "Oh, 'Soka," he said, pulling her tighter against him.

She ignored the topsy-turvy feeling it gave her to hear that nickname out of his mouth.

Anakin sighed, lowering his head into the space between her neck and shoulder, his forehead pushed against the back of her front lekku. His thumb grazed over her hip gently as he inhaled. She never wanted the moment to end, but his comlink beeped on the other side of the room.

She resisted the urge to pull him back down when he stood and crossed his room. The bed felt so much colder without him in it, even after he draped a blanket over her still form. His fingers grazed her cheek before he left the room to answer the call.

When he was gone, Ahsoka curled into herself. She didn't understand any of this. She didn't even want try to understand any of this.

And yet, she knew that she wanted to wake up like that every morning. She wanted to meditate like they did the night before. She wanted Anakin by her side.

He reentered after a few minutes and shook her shoulder lightly. "Snips?" he whispered. "Hey, wake up."

She eased her eyes open, trying to look very sleepy. "Skyguy?" she replied before sitting up.

He smiled brightly at her. "Yeah," he didn't move away from his seated position next to her on the bed.

Their foreheads and noses were almost touching. His smile fell a bit, "We've been summoned to the Council room."

The disappointment hung heavily between them, but he still stood. "I'll..." he turned away. "I'll meet you down there."

* * *

She was alone again. Funny, it seemed like they'd just got back. But these were the spoils of war. She stared down at her lightsaber on the table. The lightsaber she'd managed to get back from a sleazy pickpocket.

After a moment, she drew her knees up to her chest, settling her chin on them. The apartment creaked in the night, reminding her once again that she was the only one there. It was too late to train and the library was likely deserted at this time of night. She sighed and buried her face in her legs. She should just head to bed.

And eat... Her gaze drifted to the darkened kitchen. With another sigh, she shoved herself off of the chair. She turned towards the other room when he comlink beeped. Without hesitation, Ahsoka leaped towards the object and pressed the answer button.

Anakin's familiar hologram appeared on it. She breathed out in relief at seeing her Master's face. He smiled at her, "Did I wake you up, Snips?"

She shook her head with a small giggle. "No, I was just about to make something to eat," she stopped and glanced at him.

"Forget to eat again?"

Ahsoka nodded slowly as she settled onto the couch. He seemed to be seated too. "I just wanted to let you know that we're on our way back."

"Everything go well?"

He ran a hand through his hair, "Master Koth's a little banged up, but yeah. Success."

"Success," she repeated. "I've had a crazy day myself."

Anakin's eyebrows shot up and she fell silent, suddenly too sheepish to continue this conversation. How was she supposed to tell her Master that she lost her lightsaber to a  _thief_? She laughed and waved her hand in a dismissive manner, "Well, I should probably go-"

"What did you do?" he asked, his tone both cautious and amused.

She glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest, "Why do you always assume I did something?"

"Because you attract trouble like some kind of magnet."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, "As if you don't get into just as much trouble as me, Ani."

His expression softened and she paused, wondering what brought about the familiar nickname. "Sorry," she muttered, her gaze zoned in on a small dust bunny on the floor. She should clean before he returned.

"Don't be," he responded and she met his stare once again. "I just haven't heard the nickname in a long time. It's nice... I- I like it when you call me that."

Heat raced up to her face, forcing her to duck her head. Not like Anakin could make out her blush from his side of the hologram. She wanted to tell him that she liked it when he called her "'Soka" too, but then he'd realize she was awake that morning. Would they sleep in the same bed again now that he was returning? Would they meditate like that again?

When she looked back up, Anakin's eyes were watching her, his lips quirked up into a half-smile. She returned the expression. "Well," she rubbed her somehow sweaty palms against her leggings. "I should probably go. When will you be back?"

"In a few hours. Eat something, Ahsoka. Get some rest."

She bobbed her head as a door on his end slid open, Master Gallia stepping to frame. Anakin glanced back at Ahsoka and she waved goodbye before the transmission cut out.

She was alone again.

But only for a few more hours.

* * *

Ahsoka startled awake when her mattress sank under the weight of a new body. A hand settled on her shoulder and she recognized the mechanical fingers immediately. She rolled over, met with Anakin's tired blue eyes. "Hey," he breathed out. He smelled clean, like he'd just taken a shower. Maybe he did.

"Hiya," she whispered back before curling into his warm body without a second thought.

His arms wound around her small frame, his face nestling into the space between her montrals. No words passed between them as rubbed her hand up and down an exposed patch of his skin.

He sighed, "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"You better tell me what happened with your lightsaber in the morning."

She stiffened and his hand traced a repetitive circle on the center of her back until she relaxed. "I'm not mad, 'Soka," he assured her and that strange fluttery feeling returned. "Just curious."

Ahsoka hummed and nestled closer to his chest, "I like it when you call me that."

She swore his heart started to beat a little faster, but before she could think about it further, sleep overtook her.


	5. Chapter 5

She was getting better. Their sparring sessions were becoming more and more intense for Anakin. Nothing he couldn't handle, but he could see how much she had progressed in the year they'd spent together as Master and Padawan. Ahsoka pushed back on his defenses, using the Force to send him a few steps back. She utilized her  _shoto_  with grace.

"You've been practicing," Anakin commented as he blocked her strike. "Without me."

Ahsoka dropped, moving to swipe Anakin's legs out from under him. He danced out the way and spun to face her. She heaved in a deep breath, "Well, you're gone quite a lot, Ani."

He smiled at her. The training room was empty, most of the Jedi likely grabbing some lunch. "I don't really have a choice, Snips."

She raised an eye-marking before lunging towards him. He stepped back, but she veered to the side. He spun around as she dodged around the back of him. Her leg swung through the air, catching his jaw. With a grunt, Anakin dropped to the ground.

"It's okay, Skyguy," she smirked down at him and held out her hand.

Anakin accepted her hand, a devilish smirk crossing his face before he yanked her down. Her hands landed on either side of his face, barely stopping her from collapsing on top of him. She rolled her eyes, "Not gonna wo-"

She squeaked as he rolled them over. He hovered above her, pinning her underneath him. She stared up at him, her lekku darkening into what he'd come to recognize as a blush. They stared at each other for several long moments. "Hi," he said with a breathy laugh.

"Is this how all of our sparring sessions are going to end, Anakin?" she questioned, a twinkle in her eye.

He blinked down at her. They did end up in this same position quite a lot. More out of convenience than anything, he convinced himself. Even so, he shoved himself away from her. She sat up and he watched as she summoned his lightsaber to her. "I love your lightsaber," she commented, jumping to her feet.

The blade shot out and she swiped it through the air delicately, using the correct grip instead of her common reverse grip. Her admiration passed between them. This time, when she held her hand out to him, he took it. They resumed their spar, both exhilarated by something that had passed between them.

Who knew how much time passed?

Anakin bounced away from his apprentice, tensing when a clapping rang through the chamber. The two Jedi spun towards the source. Master Yoda hovered in the doorway and, Anakin noticed, he wasn't clapping. He was knocking his cane against the floor.

The small Jedi Master entered the room, shaky as he stepped into the padded room. They watched him approach in silence, both wondering when he arrived. Likely after their little moment on the floor. "Progressed you have, young Padawan," he said as he turned to Ahsoka. He leaned on his cane, looking at them both with smiling eyes that betrayed his teasing nature. "A good Master, Skywalker is."

"You flatter me, Master Yoda," Anakin offered the ancient Jedi a bow of gratitude as Ahsoka did the same.

Yoda hummed as he faced the windows. He glanced back at them, "Young Ahsoka is ready, methinks."

Ahsoka's eye-markings furrowed and Anakin could sense the confusion radiating off her, the emotion mirroring his own. Yoda faced them fully this time, "Travel to Ilum, you must. Time for Ahsoka to construct her second saber, it is."

Anakin felt a surge of pride for his Padawan, but to his surprise, panic flared in Ahsoka. She surged forward, "Master, what about the war? Everything is escalating and-"

The Jedi Master raised a hand, silencing the teenage girl. "Worry about that, do not. Important, this is. Besides..." he started to hobble away. "Your birthday, it is."

Before the door closed behind him, Anakin spun around to face his Padawan. His shock rivaled her embarrassment. "You didn't tell me it was your birthday!"

She scratched her cheek and adjusted the lightsabers on her belt. Her gaze remained on the floor, "It didn't seem all that important what with everything that's been going on. Besides, it not for a few more days."

He blinked at her and she finally turned to look at him. He placed a hand between her montrals, a position they'd become familiar with, with a small smile. "Well, it's not everyday you turn fifteen."

"Sixteen, Ani," she corrected with a small giggle.

Now his confusion had mounted to an all time high. He dropped his hand and tilted his head. "You... You were fourteen when you became my Padawan."

She started walking towards the door and he jogged to join her. As the door slid open, she glanced over at him, "For a couple of months."

"I missed your fifteenth birthday?"

Ahsoka lifted her shoulders into a sort of half-shrug as they turned towards their quarters. They passed by the canteen and Anakin realized that they hadn't ever eaten in there together. The spent all of their meals at the Temple together, in the privacy of their own apartment. Even on the battleground, they usually took their meals to their tents or, if they were aboard a ship, in Anakin's cabin. They spent so much time around the clones and other Jedi that they're mealtimes together had been a time for strictly them and nobody else.

After all, they very well couldn't fall asleep in the same bed outside of their apartment.

"Remember when Hondo kidnapped Dooku and I had to save you from that cave?"

"'Save' being a relative term," Anakin said with a roll of his eyes as they approached their home.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Anyways, that was my fifteenth birthday," she unlocked the door. "That's why I didn't go with you at first. Master Shaak Ti wanted to do a meditation thing with me."

Anakin watched his Padawan with curiosity as she hoisted herself onto the counter of their kitchen. He managed to wrangle up some ingredients while her boots thumped against the cabinet doors. "What kind of meditation?"

He glanced up as Ahsoka flushed and looked away from her Master. He began to chop up the ingredients. "Just..." she coughed. "Plain old mediation."

Her awkwardness about the subject rolled of her in waves, mixed with something else. Something Anakin found familiar, but rarely noticed in Ahsoka's emotions. Shame. He prodded her knee, "'Soka?"

"It's just..." she shrugged her shoulders aggressively with a groan. "Just basic protocol for female Padawans with male Masters."

Anakin's rapid cutting movements slowed as her words processed in his head. He inclined his head towards her, a sudden burst of anger racing through him. " _Really_?" he exclaimed and his young Padawan visibly winced.

"It doesn't mean anything, Ani," she tried as she reached out towards him. "It's just something they do."

He moved away, suddenly sick to his stomach at the mere  _thought_  of doing something like that. A sudden chill came over him as he looked up at Ahsoka. "If they do it, that must mean-"

She nodded, wringing her hands together in her lap. "It's happened before, yes. The Temple tends to keep that kind of thing quiet though."

Now he was really going to be sick. Anakin sprinted to the refresher, his hand cupped over his mouth. He barely managed to make it to the toilet before he vomited out all of the food he'd eaten earlier. Ahsoka was by his side in a second, one hand rubbing gentle circles on his back while the other ran through his hair. After a few more seconds of dry-heaving, he turned towards her. She watched him with a soft expression, her fingers still carding through his hair.

"I will  _never_  do anything like that to you, Ahsoka.  _Never_ ," his voice cracked as he wrapped her up in his arms. "I would never hurt you."

She pulled away ever so gently, placing her forehead against his. Her eyes were closed and Anakin found himself staring at her. She'd grown, matured. "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I altered the timeline a little bit. This way, Ahsoka will be eighteen around the time of Season 5.
> 
> These next few chapters are going to be, for the most part, non-canon since we never got to see the construction of Ahsoka's second lightsaber or the reason for her costume change.


	6. Chapter 6

Ahsoka rubbed her hands together in anticipation as she paced back and forth across Senator Amidala's reception room. Apparently, according to Anakin anyways, she had a gift for the young Togruta Jedi. Ahsoka wasn't used to gifts. Most Jedi weren't, but her master apparently brought up the topic of her birthday and Padme decided she  _had_  to get her something.

He also mentioned something about the Senator wanting to thank her for saving her life.

The door opened and Padme Amidala emerged, as beautiful as she always was. Padme astounded Ahsoka with her intricate hairstyles and beautiful gowns and makeup. All things foreign to the Jedi Padawan. She wondered how the Senator managed to make her hair so detailed, a lot of confusion stemming from the fact that Ahsoka lacked hair herself.

"Ahsoka!" Padme greeted her by pulling her into a tight hug and the Togruta returned it with a smile. She didn't hug a lot of people, but she learned early on in her friendship with the Senator that she was a very affectionate.

"Hello, Senator."

Padme rolled her eyes and she led Ahsoka into her office. Ahsoka loved the Senators' offices, high up on Coruscant where you could watch speeders go by. She imagined that she would never get any work done if she was a politician. Then again, she didn't understand much about politics as it was anyways. The door slid behind them, leaving the two alone in the office. "So..." the Senator stepped around behind her desk and picked up a rectangular box as she gestured to one of the chairs. "Anakin mentioned that it was your birthday, your sixteenth birthday at that, and I was wondering to myself: what would one get a Jedi Padawan on her sixteenth birthday?"

Ahsoka sat down on one of the cushy chairs, watching her friend walk back around. "So I might've asked Anakin, but he wasn't much help. So I asked your friend, Barriss. She was...  _a little_  more helpful. And then I asked Master Shaak Ti and she gave me the most brilliant idea."

The Padawan raised an eye-marking at Padme's long-winded explanation. "And what's that?"

Padme leaned against the edge of her desk, holding out the box. Ahsoka accepted it with pursed lips. The weight of it surprised her and her arms dropped. She removed the lid and stared down at the neatly folded clothing inside. A maroon shirt and black leggings and a belt and arm braces and leather boots. "You still dress like a Youngling," Padme said in a soft voice. "A rebellious Youngling, but..."

Tears filled Ahsoka's eyes as her head whipped up to look at her friend. "Oh, if you don't-" Padme stood, flapping her hands about nervously.

"No, no," Ahsoka scrubbed at her eyes. "It's just... Thank you."

The Senator's expression softened as she delicately squeezed Ahsoka's shoulder. "You're welcome. I asked Master Ti what might be appropriate and she said that they provide robes, but with battle, robes tended to be a bit impractical, especially considering your fighting style. I didn't really understand any of that, so she just left me a few design ideas and materials and I had my tailor do the rest."

"You had a  _tailor_  make these for me?" Ahsoka pulled out one of the shirts, rubbing her thumb across the soft, yet stretchy fabric.

"Yup," Padme nodded, a smile stretching across her face. "Do you... Like them?"

Ahsoka bobbed her head eagerly, "Yes! They're beautiful."

"They're made to last, so you shouldn't have to worry about that. And they wash easily and dry quickly and- They're made from the best material I could find, is what I'm trying to say."

"I really don't think I deserve-"

"Nonsense," Padme waved away her protests as she straightened back up. "You deserve this more than most Ahsoka. I hope you'll accept my gift. Master Ti already said you could."

"I will," Ahsoka placed the lid back on the box. "Thank you, Padme."

* * *

It all fit perfectly, Ahsoka noted after she'd changed into her new outfit. Perhaps Shaak Ti also provided her measurements. She stared at herself in the mirror and realized how much more  _mature_  she looked. She actually looked like a Jedi now. Maybe even a Jedi Knight. She giggled, shaking her head at the thought. She still had a ways to go before that particular stage of her life.

A knock dragged her out of her thoughts. "Come in!" she called, sensing Anakin's presence on the other side.

"Your emotions have been all over... The... Place..." Anakin coughed and Ahsoka glanced over at him with a raised eye-marking. "...Today..."

"Do I look okay?" Ahsoka questioned with a little spin. She'd seen other girls on Coruscant do the same thing when showing off new clothing.

Nervousness radiated off of her Master as he scratched his cheek and ducked his head. "You look great, 'Soka."

She beamed at him, genuinely pleased that he approved. Ahsoka dropped her arms and planted them on her hips. Anakin finally met her gaze, any tension between them disappearing. Instead, excitement jumped back and forth between both of them. "I have a surprise for you," he said as he held out his hand.

Ahsoka accepted his grip, but instead of interlacing their fingers, Anakin stepped behind her. He placed his hands over her eyes and she giggled, "I don't know if I can handle another surprise, Ani."

"Oh shush," he said with a laugh of his own. "Do you trust me, Snips?"

"With my life, Skyguy."

The sentiment came out much more serious than she'd intended and to her surprise, Anakin placed his forehead on her montrals. "Right back at you."

She chuckled nervously, acutely aware of how his entire body was pressed against her back. That strange fluttery feeling returned, as it seemed to do on occasion with Anakin and, she noticed with a hint of fear, only Anakin. "Isn't there a surprise for me?" she questioned.

"Hmm," he pulled away. "Oh! Oh yeah! Okay, forward march."

Ahsoka followed his instructions as he guided her through the familiar layout of their apartment. They were in the kitchen now. He stopped in front of their table and dropped his hands. She gasped, staring down at the cake in the center of their two-person table.  _Happy Birthday, Ahsoka_  was scrawled across the top of it in icing. "Anakin," she whirled around to face her Master.

He was very close to her, she realized. Chests pressed together in synchronized breathing. She noticed several months ago that each inhale they took was in sync. Whether it was a conscious effort or not, she wasn't sure. If they Council saw them like this... Anakin leaned down, pressing their foreheads together. It was a motion she'd become familiar with. It calmed any of the nerves building up in her and she exhaled. "Happy birthday, Ahsoka," he whispered into the space between them.

Ahsoka suddenly found herself overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him. To kiss her Master. To kiss Anakin. But she restrained herself because that would be pushing it a bit too far.

But would it be? She opened her eyes and found Anakin watching her. Would kissing him be out of bounds? They often slept in the same bed. They meditated together. They hugged. Force, they even held hands on occasion.

She turned away. This was too much to think about all at once. Anakin's mechanical hand brushed her cheek, so gentle and so human that if she didn't know it was a prosthetic, she probably never would have noticed. She looked back at him and for several seconds, they just stared at each other.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he questioned, breaking the silence between them.

The moment paused, but didn't shatter, as she turned back to the cake. "I think so," she said with a faint smile.

He stepped around her and rummaged through the drawers for a knife. She sat down at the table and watched him cut it in silence. "You're going to do great," he said as he offered her a piece.

"Thank you, Anakin."

"For what?" he glanced up at her.

"For everything."

* * *

They were alone. For the next week, Anakin and Ahsoka were entirely alone. Well, entirely alone with R2D2. The sudden realization struck Ahsoka as soon as they left Coruscant's atmosphere. In their entire experience as Master and Padawan, they'd never been completely alone like this.

And that meant something. The atmosphere between them instantly changed as they entered hyperspace. With no prying eyes around, their hands found each other, tangling together and gripping each other tight. Between the pilot and co-pilot chair, they held hands. "Anakin?" Ahsoka broke the silence between them as she turned to look at her Master.

"Snips?" he responded as he looked at her, a lopsided smile spread across his features.

"Last night..." a sudden wave of anxiety came over her and Anakin's eyebrows knitted together, worry etched across his features and between their bond. She had thought about this though. After cake, they went to sleep, in Anakin's bed, and she pondered for hours about the moment that had passed between them. "Last night..."

"Ahsoka?"

She turned away, gripping his hand a little bit tighter as a blush spread across her face and montrals. "Iwantedtokissyoulastnight!" she shouted, the words blurring together into an incomprehensible mess.

"What?"

She took in a deep, shuddering breath and turned to stare out the windshield. "I wanted to kiss you last night, Anakin."

A long moment of silence passed between them. Shock rolled off of Anakin and Ahsoka stood to go hide in the sleeping quarters when he settled a hand around her wrist. "I wanted to kiss you too," he said in a quiet voice.

The Togruta turned back to him, her mouth formed into a small "o". He stood to stop her and now, they were once again only a few inches away from each other. "It's wrong, isn't it?" she whispered to him, moving closer despite herself.

"Is it?"

"I'm sorry."

His eyebrow quirked up, "For what?"

"Breaking the Code," a small sob built up in her throat.

He yanked her into a tight hug and her arms wound around him. A million emotions raced between them as she buried her face into his chest. "You haven't done anything wrong," Anakin said as they pulled away.

She noticed how their foreheads immediately came together when they released each other. By this point, the gesture was as natural as breathing. She eased her eyes open, feeling a wetness on her cheeks. When did she start crying? Anakin used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. Ahsoka shook her head, "Why do I feel like this?"

"I don't know."

"What does this mean, Anakin?"

He sighed, a heavy sound that weighed on Ahsoka's heart, "I don't know."

"I love you," she whispered before she could stop herself from saying it. Her eyes widened with the realization of what she'd said. She loved Anakin. She loved him so much.

"I love you too," he said back to her immediately, not even leaving room for her to doubt his emotions for her.

But they didn't make any movements. They didn't say anything. And she wanted to kiss him and she knew he wanted to kiss her and they were alone and-

His lips pressed against her forehead, immediately silencing her onslaught of thoughts. "Calm down, 'Soka," he whispered against her skin, the feeling sending shivers down her spine.

She released the breath she'd been holding. "Are you going to tell the Council?" she questioned as she tilted her head up to look at him again.

"Why would I?"

"Does this change anything about us?"

This time, he smiled and she couldn't help but return the look as their emotions mellowed out. "Why would it?"


	7. Chapter 7

Anakin shifted as he watched the ice crawl over the door. He wasn't very concerned about Ahsoka, but this was likely the longest they'd be separated for the next week. Which gave him some time to think. When did he start to fall in love with his Padawan, a girl nearly six years his junior? When did he start looking at her like she was the only person in the world?

Attraction had nothing to do with this, he knew. He'd been attracted to so many women before and while Ahsoka was objectively beautiful, that never really factored into his descriptions of her. Until she changed into that new outfit anyways. Padme was teasing him. He'd never outright stated that he had budding feelings for the young Togruta, but Padme was like a sister to him. She just  _knew_  these sorts of things.

But no, until the day before, attraction had nothing to do with any of this. When he first realized how deeply he cared about his Padawan, he dismissed it as an extension of their bond. At least, that was his excuse until he started to observe other Jedi and their Padawans. And he very much doubted that other Jedi slept in the same beds as their Padawans. Or meditated with clasped hands and touching foreheads. Or embraced whenever they had a moment alone. Or held hands while they wandered around Coruscant. Or cuddled on the couch while watching holos.

And he very much doubted that other Jedi got chills from the simple touch of their Padawans. Or that they wanted to hold them all the time. And memorize the color of their eyes and stare at them for hours in silence and breathe in their scent.

No, this wasn't an extension of their bond.

And that's what made it so much more difficult.

Attachments were forbidden and Anakin had managed to follow that rule at least, even if he was closer to his former Master than most. But familial bonds were expected among the Jedi. They were a family, even if they never said it. But they were even taught to let go of those bonds when it became necessary.

Anakin didn't know if he could let go of Ahsoka. If something happened to her...

His mechanical hand clenched into a tight fist, but Ahsoka's signature thrummed with a calming energy that surrounded him and eased him. He'd become dependent on that, her Force. Even on the other side of the Galaxy, their bond intertwined, the knots becoming more and more intricate with time. Obi-Wan even commented once that he could barely tell their signatures apart sometimes.

When Anakin dived into some ancient texts for some kind of solution or name for this, they offered up the word "soulmate". He hid that holobook deep within the library.

This was bad. Really _, really_  bad.

He exhaled and scraped a hand through his hair. Then why wasn't dread filling him? Why didn't this scare him?

Why did it feel so right?

Ahsoka slid under the door just before it sealed, the pinnacle of grace. He could just watch her walk around for hours and be content. She jumped to her feet, a bright grin spread across her face. "Well? Shall we go?"

He returned her smile and held out his hand. She slid her fingers into his without hesitation, like puzzle pieces slotting together. Ahsoka pulled out her new kyber crystal, holding it up to the light. It glittered with each gentle twist of her fingers. It made her eyes shine. She stuck it back into her pocket as they exited the cave.

The ship was already warmed up, courtesy of R2, and Anakin removed Ahsoka's coat before taking off his own and hanging them up. That was another thing that'd become habit and, Anakin realized, something he'd seen romantically involved couples all over the Galaxy do. "I'm so excited!" Ahsoka squealed, dragging Anakin out of his thoughts.

"I'm proud of you, Snips," he said in a gentle teasing tone he never used with anyone else.

She glared up at him for a second before bursting into laughter. His own chuckles followed, unable to not at least smile when he heard her giggles. He looked down at her, their fingers still entwined, her eyes bright with anticipation. She really was beautiful.

They pressed their foreheads together and he exhaled on her fingers in the space between them. "I swear, your fingers are always freezing, 'Soka."

"And your hands are always warm, Ani," she said as she met his gaze. It always struck him how blue her eyes were.

With a small smirk, Anakin pressed the tip of one of her fingers to his lips. Her eyes fluttered shut at the simple gesture. He wanted to kiss her lips too, but he knew that neither of them were really ready for that. That would make it real, make this thing between them reality.

Make it an  _attachment_.

And while they loved each other deeply, they knew that they could still hide this. But Anakin knew, he just  _knew_ , that if he kissed her, he'd likely never want to stop kissing her. He'd wanted to kiss her everywhere in the Galaxy. He'd want to kiss her in the privacy of their apartment at the Temple. On the open battlefield. After they finished sparring.

He'd want to kiss her when they laid down to go to sleep and after they finished their meditation.

Kiss her in the middle of the halls.

Kiss her in front of the Jedi Order.

In front of the Republic and the Separatists and the Sith.

So he restrained himself, settling with pressing another finger to his lips. And Ahsoka seemed to share his sentiment because she simply pulled him into a tight hug. They stood like that until R2D2 came into the loading dock, beeping his grievances, declaring that he thought they'd been lost in the snow.

Anakin chuckled while Ahsoka giggled and reassured the astromech droid that they did not, in fact, get lost in the snow. "We'd better get going though," she commented as she turned back to Anakin. "Still got a week of solitude ahead of us."

He smirked at her, "Indeed we do."

* * *

He watched Ahsoka as she slumbered on his chest, curled against his body. She'd spent most of her night attempting to construct her lightsaber. Nobody expected her to make it the first day, especially just after finding her crystal, hence the week's leave. He trailed a finger along a patch of exposed skin on her side, a methodical movement he'd become familiar with over the months.

With a soft sigh, he pressed a kiss against her montral, something he'd been doing in secret since the returned from the mission on Felucia. She smelled so good, a scent he'd come to recognize as distinctly  _Ahsoka_. It calmed him in a way meditation never did before she came along. "I love you," he whispered, even though she was asleep. Who knew when he'd get to say it again.

Force knows he'd probably never say it in the Temple. Maybe in their apartment, but he couldn't get used to expressing the three words so verbally. Otherwise, he might slip up. Even so, he let the words slip into the darkness of the ship's quarters, lost to the sleeping girl in his arms and the stars around them.


	8. Chapter 8

Ahsoka was starting to become frustrated. If it wasn't for Anakin's constant presence in the background of her work, she probably would've flung the pieces of her lightsaber across the room. She groaned and buried her face in hands. Her Master placed a hand on her shoulders, kneading out the kinks in her muscles. She relaxed into his touch. "Maybe you should take a break, Snips," he said gingerly as he ran his flesh hand down her arm.

She raised her gaze to his eyes and he smiled down at her. A kind, patient smile. She closed her eyes, dropping her head onto the table. "Maybe Master Yoda made a mistake," she muttered, not really expecting Anakin to hear her words.

"Now why would you think that?" he eased down into the chair next to her, a hand still settled on her shoulder.

She turned her head to look at him and for a couple of seconds, they watched each other. "It's been three days, Anakin," she lamented, well aware that she was being overly dramatic.

His thumb traced an infinity sign onto the front of her shoulder, "You still have four days left, Ahsoka."

"I know, but..."

The word hung in the space between them as she hid her face back in her arms. His hand migrated to her back and he scooted his chair closer. "But what?"

"It's nothing. Sorry, I'm just being stupid."

"No, no, no," he snaked his hand under her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. She kept her eyes glued to the table in protest. "What's bothering you, 'Soka?"

She glanced at him before looking away again. "I don't want to disappoint you," she said softly, locking her eyes onto his.

His expression softened as his fingers curled around her cheek. She leaned into his delicate grip, eyes fluttering closed. "You never could. Come on, let's get you something to eat."

* * *

They sat next to each other in the pilots' seats, watching the galaxy move around them. There wasn't a kitchen on the ship, so they settled for a couple of ration packs. Freeze-dried food that they ate on the battlefield or when travelling. "Will you make me Nerf bacon when we get home?" Ahsoka questioned as she forced down the protein bar.

Anakin chuckled and looked over at her, "Maybe you should learn how to cook something other than instant bread, Snips."

Her nose wrinkled at the statement. "But we have an agreement," she argued as she faced him. "I clean, you cook."

It was an agreement that came to very on in their time together. Something that made their domestic life a little easier. Plus, Ahsoka had a tendency to burn almost anything she cooked, which is why Anakin often went as far as to leave some prepared meals in the kitchen if he had to go on a mission by himself. Ahsoka smiled softly when she thought of how she usually ended up packing his bags while he cooked for her.

In fact, she blinked at the realization, she always packed their bags. It was habit by this point, like so many other rituals between them. She reached across the space between them and Anakin clasped their hands together, swinging the lightly between the space. Ahsoka finished her food and turned to the male Jedi across from her. He met her gaze with a quirked eyebrow and a faint smile, "Whatcha looking at, Snips?"

"You, Skyguy," she replied with her own cheeky grin.

"Well," he crumpled up the wrapper in his hand. "Do you want to go back to work or do you want to relax a little bit more?"

She glanced back through the door where her unfinished lightsaber awaited her. Anakin followed her stare, "Relax then?"

Ahsoka nodded faintly and they stood, breaking their hands apart only to entwine them again. She stepped closer to him, wrapping her hand around his bicep. She'd seen other women do the same thing with their partners. And she didn't know if she'd ever be able to do it again with Anakin.

As they left the cockpit, a beeping rang throughout the hull of the ship and the two Jedi sighed. So much for solitude. They broke apart as they approached the holodeck, the distance between them so much more prominent than it'd ever been. Master Obi-Wan flickered into view, as calm as he always was. His gaze landed on Anakin almost immediately. "There you are. I've been calling for..." he glanced at something in front of him. "Minutes."

"Sorry," Anakin glanced over at Ahsoka. They'd turned off the comlink in the cockpit for the illusion of privacy. "We were working on Ahsoka's lightsaber."

"How's that going by the way?" Obi-Wan turned to Ahsoka and she visibly flinched. She noticed how Anakin's fingers twitched, like he wanted to reach out to her.

"That bad, hmm?"

"Not to be rude, Master," Anakin turned back to his former Master. "But is there any particular reason you're calling? We're supposed to be in solitude."

Obi-Wan blinked, as if remembering that this wasn't just a courtesy call, though she wouldn't be surprised if it was. "Oh yes! We received a distress call and you just happen to be closest."

The disappointment hung heavily between the two Jedi as Obi-Wan relayed the coordinates and information to them. So much for their vacation. Anakin cut off the call and immediately groaned, throwing his arms up into the air. Ahsoka laced their fingers together and he released a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Ahsoka."

"Don't be," she brought their foreheads together with a fond smile. "We're Jedi. We have a job to do."

"No," he shook his and she pulled away, confusion flashing through her.

"What do you mean?"

" _I_ have a job to do," he jabbed a finger at himself. "You still need to finish your lightsaber."

" _Ani_..." she whined, a pout forming on her face, which earned a chuckle from her Master.

He placed a hand on either of her cheeks, squishing her face, "You're adorable when you pout, but making your  _shoto_  is your top priority, okay?"

Ahsoka giggled and swatted away his hands. "Okay, fine, Skyguy."

* * *

Pride filled Ahsoka as the lightsaber finally came together, beautiful and sleek and, she held up her main saber, admiring how well the two fit together. Yes, it was finished. She ignited it, the yellowish-green glow illuminating the dimmed room and her face. "Anak-" she paused when she remembered that he wasn't there.

He was on the ship they were docked on. The vessel was more or less destroyed, but the distress signal was still going off, which meant that there were, hopefully, survivors.

As she stood to leave, panic spiked through her, a million danger signs going off at once in her head. "Anakin..." she whispered into the empty room before turning on her heel and racing towards the loading dock.

He said making the lightsaber was her  _top_  priority, not her only one. She jumped onto the skeleton ship without hesitation, her feet hitting the ground running.

Ever since their bond had been established, finding Anakin was easy. It was like following her instincts, except she had no reason to doubt this. She sprinted through the ship and leaped over holes in the floors. The ship never stood a chance against its attackers.

Ahsoka dropped into one of the cargo holds. Anakin's signature thrummed around her as blaster fire echoed through the halls. "Snips!"

She whirled around to face Anakin as he held off a ragtag group of smugglers. A goofy grin spread across his face and she couldn't help but return the look. She jumped forward, both of her lightsabers activated when she swung them towards the criminals. "Not fans of Jedi then?" she questioned Anakin with a raised eye-marking.

"Apparently not," he chuckled as he deflected the blaster fire. There were at least half a dozen men and women cornering them. "No reason to kill them though."

"I agree," she said as latched onto Anakin's arm and yanked him into a side hallway.

They sprinted down the length of the ship, giggling like children as they deflected the blaster fire behind them. "R2!" Anakin yelled into his comlink.

The astromech droid's familiar beeping responded. "Prepare to undock and jump to hyperspace!"

The two Jedi dodged around another corner. Ahsoka smiled at Anakin as they approached their ship. Another round of fire erupted from behind them as they dove through the door. Anakin shouted a distinct "now" to their droid companion.

The ship disembarked as the door slid shut. Anakin released a sigh of relief and Ahsoka paused, staring up him. He stared down at her as they both realized the position they were in. Anakin hovered above her, his face only inches from Ahsoka's, one arm planted by her head and the other on her hip. She blinked up at him, "Anakin?"

He kept his gaze locked on hers as he moved his hand lower on her thigh. A new warmth spread through her body and her eyes widened, a inhale hitching in her throat. "We shouldn't..." she managed to whisper, her voice cracking.

In response, Anakin lowered his forehead onto hers. Their breaths mingled together, the only sound being the hum of the ship around them and their hearts beating in their chests. "I want to," he responded, his hand returning to her hip. "Oh Force, I want to kiss you. I want to love you the way a non-Jedi would."

She wound her arms around his neck, bringing them so close their lips nearly brushed against each other. She wanted that too. Force, how she wanted that. But this was dangerous territory. She'd already confessed her love to him. Fuck, this was risky. And treasonous. They were both breaking the Code, just laying here like this, just feeling the way they did about each other.

She didn't care. But the Order was their lives. They were Jedi, even if they didn't always follow the rules. So they just laid there, almost kissing, but keeping the distance between them because it kept them safe.

A tiny bit of space kept them safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Anakin and Obi-Wan sat in the back of the  _Twilight_ , leaving Ahsoka to pilot the ship while they took a moment to regain their senses. They were about to meet up with the fleet, so he'd probably go out to help her land. But for now, something hung in the air between them heavily. Or rather,  _nothing_  hung in the space between them. Ahsoka had closed off their bond as soon as they awoke on their ship, refusing to speak to either of them. In that split second, he'd felt only confusion and terror and anger. Negative emotions that concerned him.

Did she know? No, she couldn't possibly remember anything that happened on Mortis.

But what if she did?

"That was reckless," Obi-Wan's voice cut through the torrent of thoughts racing through Anakin's head. "What were you thinking?"

The Jedi Knight looked up at his former Master, resting his chin on his hands. "I wasn't going to let her die," he stated. He would never let her die.

"This is different, Anakin," Obi-Wan hissed as he shot a glance at the still closed door.

"Would you have let me die?" Anakin challenged as he sat a bit straighter, pinning a piercing stare on his brother.

"No!" he shook his head and turned away with a deep intake of breath. "But that wasn't the case here."

Anakin rose to his feet "How isn't it the same thing?!" he noticed how his volume rose, the anger and frustration in his tone.

Obi-Wan whirled around, his face set into a passive anger that Anakin learned to avoid a long time ago. "She was already  _dead_!" he shouted before dropping to a whisper. "Her Force signature was gone. Her heartbeat was gone. She was  _gone_ , Anakin. And you brought her back. Who knows what repercussions this could have?"

The younger man crossed his arms over his chest, retreating from the argument physically. "I couldn't let her die," he said, acutely aware of how his voice his voice cracked. "I couldn't, Obi-Wan."

A crackle came over the small intercom in the corner of the room. "We're approaching," Ahsoka's voice said, distorted by the electronic device. "I might need some help landing."

Anakin recognized the breathy undertone in her voice and his heart sank. She'd been crying. And he hadn't been there to comfort her. When the two Jedi men returned to the cockpit, she diverted her eyes away from them, gripping the controls so tightly that he knuckles turned white. "Heya, Snips," he greeted as he sat in the pilot's seat.

"Hi," she croaked out.

They landed in silence. She left the ship in silence and Anakin watched her disappear into the quarters without another word. "She's probably just tired," Obi-Wan commented as he settled a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "We should let her rest."

Anakin nodded and an unspoken agreement passed between them to not bring any of this up to the Council.

* * *

He exited the refresher when a knock resounded through his ship's quarters. Anakin flung on some clothes before opening the door. Ahsoka hovered in the doorway, hugging her arms to her body and staring at the floor. She didn't make any move to enter and Anakin was so, so, so aware of the emptiness stretching between their bond. She raised her gaze to his eyes, red rings under her bloodshot eyes. She looked terrible and he wasn't surprised, but it didn't make his chest hurt any less.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" she questioned, her voice soft and hoarse. How long had she spent crying?

He didn't need clarification and he didn't want to demean her by pretending like he didn't understand the question. So he just shook his head and whispered, "No."

A familiar fire flashed through her eyes, but he didn't feel the burning anger that always accompanied it. "Why?!" she screamed, gaining the attention of a few clones patrolling nearby.

He tugged her inside and closed the door behind her. She huddled close to the metal barrier, putting as much physical distance between them as she could. "Why?" she repeated, much quieter this time. "Don't I have a right to know?"

"Ahsoka..."

He reached out towards her, but she just moved closer to the door. She was shaking, he realized. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what she was feeling. He just... He didn't know! "Are my feelings just a game to you, Anakin?"

His head snapped up to meet her gaze, confusion and hurt flashing through him. She looked away and he realized that she could still feel his emotions. He hadn't closed off his side of the bond. "Of course not!" he exclaimed, his hand hovering because he wanted to touch her and comfort her, but he didn't think she wanted him to. "I just thought you forgot. I didn't want to scare you, 'Soka."

Her expression softened before hardening again. She looked away and sagged against the door. She was probably exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to lead her to his bed and hold her as she fell asleep.

"It was dark."

He blinked, almost unsure if she'd even said anything. But she stared at him. "It was so dark, Ani. I-I felt so angry and I don't even know why. It was like every little doubt I'd ever had came to the surface at once and-" she broke off, her shoulders shaking with a silent sob. "And then it was like I wasn't there! All I could feel was the Force, but you weren't there. Nobody was there but me and the Force. I was so scared, Anakin. I knew what happened and I wasn't ready to die yet. I don't want to die!"

This time, he pulled her into a tight hug. Instead of protesting, she collapsed against him and sobbed. She beat a hand against his chest, not enough to hurt him, but enough for her to get emotions out. And second by second, the shroud around her signature wavered. Anakin gasped out a breath when the full-brunt of her bond hit him. She was brighter than ever, luminescent had become blinding.

Her emotions petered off too with her breathing. It took Anakin a few moment to realize she'd fallen asleep. If they were home, he would've just laid down with her in his bed.

But they were on a ship, surrounded by clones and Obi-Wan. And at least one person definitely saw her go into his quarters. So with a heavy sigh, he scooped his Padawan up and opened his door. She didn't so much as stir as he carried her to her own room. She was light, he realized. Lighter than he expected. When he laid her down on her bed, she hummed and rolled over. He threw a blanket over her and turned to leave.

"Anakin..?" her voice rang through the darkness and he turned to face her.

"Yeah, Snips?"

"Can you stay? Just for a few minutes?"

So he sat on the edge of her bed, his hand settled on top of hers, until he was sure she was deep into her slumber.

* * *

Anakin startled awake when something clattered in the apartment. When he rolled over to see if Ahsoka had woken up, he found her familiar form missing. He reached out with the Force, finding her in the kitchen, a cloud of feelings swirling around her.

He groaned and forced himself out of the warm cocoon of their blankets. She was seated at the table, her delicate fingers curled around a steaming mug. The familiar scent of herbal tea wafted through the apartment. It was a tea she often made for him when he couldn't sleep. "You okay?" he asked from the doorway.

Ahsoka jumped, her grip on her mug tightening as she looked over at him. She must've been really lost in thought if she didn't sense him. She turned away and he noticed the lightsaber on the table. Master Piell's lightsaber? "I forgot to turn it over to the Council," she said, sensing the question on the tip of his tongue.

He started to fill up a glass of water for himself before settling down into the chair across from his Padawan. She took a sip of her tea, her focus on the lightsaber. "I'm glad you decided to stowaway," Anakin admitted, earning a raised eye-marking from the Togruta. "We probably wouldn't have even gotten in without you."

She smiled faintly at him, but the smile dipped just as quickly. "Do you think the Chancellor and the Council are going to agree on who gets the information?" she asked, her expression troubled.

With a sigh, Anakin reached across the table, placing a hand over Ahsoka's. She finally raised her eyes to his face. "The Council and Chancellor never agree on anything."

"Maybe it's better that way," she whispered as she dropped her gaze to the contents of her mug. "Maybe it's better none of us have the information."

"You have half of the information," he reminded her.

Her fingers curled into a fist under his hand. "Yeah. I wish I didn't."

"I hope they agree," Anakin admitted, prying her fingers apart. "So we can get this war over with quicker."

She stared at him and he stared back. "I love you," she finally whispered into the space between them. She gave his fingers and quick squeeze before chugging the rest of her tea. "Let's go back to sleep."

When she stood, he followed her, but instead of heading back to his room, he wrapped his arms around Ahsoka from the back. He pulled her against him, dropping his head between her montrals, and she leaned against him. The sun was starting to come up, but they both had the day off, a day of rest and recovery after the Citadel. So for a few minutes, they just stood there, watching the dawn spread across the Coruscant sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, we're back to kinda canon territory. I always found it kind of weird how they glossed over Ahsoka's resurrection {like that shit gonna have some kind of backlash} and the fact that she had half of some really sensitive information.


	10. Chapter 10

Anakin Skywalker was losing his mind. He pivoted around to continue his panicked pace across his apartment. He paused for a moment when he felt a flash of fear from his Padawan. She was  _lost_. Somewhere in the galaxy, Ahsoka Tano, his Padawan, his best friend, the love of his  _life_  was lost and terrified. And he couldn't help her.

At least she's still alive, he continually reminded himself. She was still alive and as far as he could tell, she wasn't in pain. Afraid, yes, but also incredibly determined.

He continued his steps, the only thing that was keeping him from hopping into his ship and travelling across the entire Galaxy until he found her.

Because the Council told him not to look for her and he couldn't risk exposing his feelings for her to them if she was okay.

But she wasn't okay!

But she was alive...

But she was afraid!

But she was hopeful...

With a harsh sigh, Anakin sunk down on the couch. Obi-Wan had been watching him from the other side of the apartment for the past couple of hours. Anakin could feel his former Master's concern, even without the bond of a Master and a Padawan between them. Whether the concern was for his former student or for his grand-Padawan, the younger Jedi couldn't be sure, but it was there.

"Ahsoka's strong," Obi-Wan said.

"You don't think I know that?!" Anakin failed to keep the bite from his tone and he shook his head, hiding his face with his hand.

"If you taught her well, then she'll be fine, Anakin. You just have to believe in her."

He did. He believed in Ahsoka so much that it hurt so much. He might be the "Chosen One", but she had the potential to match him in strength one day. And that thought both terrified and exhilarated him. Terrified him because he knew that once she became a Knight, the Council would use her power to their advantage. And it exhilarated him because they would always continue to challenge each other, encourage each other to get better.

Imagine the good they could do.

Another flash of terror.

Or the damage.

* * *

Anakin had to stop himself from sprinting out of the Temple when he heard of the Wookie ship that arrived. But even that couldn't stop him from running towards his Padawan and exclaiming her name. Or stop the grin that spread across his face when she thanked him for his tutelage. He resisted embracing her though and felt incredibly proud of himself for that fact.

Until they were back in their apartment.

Anakin gathered Ahsoka into his arms and she returned his embrace with just as much enthusiasm. Absolute bliss passed between them, even after Ahsoka pulled away. "I think I need to take a shower," she said with a small giggle, rubbing at the dirt she managed to get smeared on Anakin's robes.

He laughed and smudged away some of the mud on her cheeks. His thumb hovered over her skin as she smiled up at him. "Force, I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much, Ahsoka Tano."

She smirked up at him, an eye-marking raised, "Are you going to start reciting poetry, Ani?"

"I just might," he responded with a smug look of his own.

A blush splashed across her face as she placed a hand on his cheek. He didn't mind the way the dirt clung to his skin. Not as long as Ahsoka was touching him. He leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. "I never stopped believing in you," he said. "And I never will."

"I know, Anakin," she swiped a hand through his hair. "Looks like you're gonna need a shower too."

Anakin shook his head, heat rising up his face, "I guess I do."

"Dibs!" she shouted before sprinting towards the refresher.

He blinked at the space she was just occupying and slowly turned in the direction she ran off in. "Not fair, Snips!"

* * *

Anakin found himself in this position quite a lot, but not usually in this situation. Ahsoka lingered above him, straddling him on top of the bed they usually shared, a triumphant grin spread across her face. "You are beaten," she teased in a sing-songy voice.

The male Jedi heaved in a deep, laughter-filled voice. His sides still hurt from where she'd tickled him. "I concede defeat," he managed to gasp out. "Please, no more!"

The togruta giggled before collapsing on top of him and knocking the wind out of him. That only made her laugh harder as she rolled off of him. He turned to face her as she smiled up at him. Her fingers combed through his damp hair as they watched each other. "You're the reason I'm alive," she said after a moment.

He chuckled, "You already thanked me, little Padawan."

She rolled her eyes and flipped onto her back. Anakin whined for a second at being deprived of her soothing fingers. She kept her gaze on the ceiling though. "I meant what I said. About surviving because of what you taught me, as my Master, but..." she turned to face him and he found himself entranced by her eyes. "You also kept me alive as Anakin Skywalker, the man I love. All I could think of was getting back home to you."

The love that passed between their bond almost overwhelmed him. He wound an arm and pulled her closer, pressing a soft kiss against her montral. He'd never done that with her awake before. She sank into his body as she pressed her lips against his bare shoulder. After a moment, he rolled on top of her, hovering above her in the sort of almost-kiss they shared so often. Less than a centimeter of space separating them. All he had to do was move less than a centimeter.

Her breath ghosted against his face, smelling strongly of the flavorless chemical that Togrutas used to clean their teeth. He'd come to love the smell, associated it with Ahsoka's lips. The lips he thought about kissing at least five times a day. "Tell me a story, Anakin," she said, her voice soft as her eyes fluttered closed.

That was their code. That she wanted to kiss him just as badly as he wanted to kiss her. But they had yet to break that minuscule space between them. "Once upon a time," he whispered into the space between them, closing his own eyes. "There was a princess that fell in love with a prince and their love was forbidden. But they didn't care and eventually, no one else cared either."

"And they lived happily ever after?" she asked, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

"Yes," he sighed and that centimeter felt like a galaxy between them. "They did."

And then he felt it. The oh-so-gentle pressure of a pair of lips against his. His eyes flew open and he realized that, yes, Ahsoka was really kissing him. She pulled back before he could return the gesture. "Sorry," she breathed out. "I really don't want to die before I get a chance to kiss you."

He stared down at her before closing the distance between them once again. If someone looked at their signatures in that moment, he doubted they would find see two distinct signatures. One of Ahsoka's hands rested on his chest while the other carded through his hair. They deepened the kiss, lips moving in sync as he dropped a hand to her hip. She gasped against him as his fingers trailed down her thigh.

They pulled away, heaving in deep breaths of air. Anakin stared down at Ahsoka, her eyes closed as she inhaled and exhaled. White markings accentuating her cheekbones. Her lips curved into a half-smile. She eased her eyes open and her smile grew. "Can we do that again?" she questioned, her voice raspier and deeper than usual.

Anakin was more than happy to oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I plan on this going pretty far. I actually already have a chapter written for after The Wrong Jedi {it was actually going to be a one-shot that inspired this whole thing...}, so don't worry about how long this is going to be. Then again... We're already finished with Season 3... Haha...


	11. Chapter 11

Senator Padme Amidala knew something no one else did. For the most part, she found the secret relatively easy to keep, even from her fiance Palo. Because as much as she loved the successful artist, he tended to be a bit of a gossip when it came to these things. No, Padme found it all too easy to keep this secret for Anakin, a man that had been something of a brother to her for many, many years.

But something about Master Obi-Wan Kenobi made it much more difficult for her to keep quiet. Padme was no stranger to Jedi mind tricks, having been taught how to defend herself by a few Jedi when she was younger, but her need to tell Obi-Wan went much deeper than that. The older man was also like a brother to her and he was like a brother to Anakin as well. The three were incredibly close despite their staggered age differences and she remembered a time when they shared everything with one another.

But Anakin begged her to keep this from Obi-Wan.

Because for all of Obi-Wan's love for Anakin, both Padme and Anakin doubted he would keep this secret.

So she didn't tell him, no matter how much she wanted to. All she could hope is that one day, her brothers would come clean and Anakin would finally admit that he was truly, deeply in love with his Padawan, Ahsoka Tano.

* * *

"Who's the damsel in distress now?" Ahsoka teased as she skipped down the hall next to her Master.

Anakin was clearly unamused by her antics as they returned to their apartment. "You didn't even save me, Snips," he responded as she opened the door to the place they called home.

"'Save' being a technical term," she smirked at him as the door slid closed.

Anakin had just been released from the medical ward and after spending days worrying about his health, Ahsoka found herself more at ease. For now, he was safe. Over the course of the past thirty-six hours, she'd constantly lamented to him about how happy she was that he was alive. How sorry she was that she couldn't help him.

The Council flat out told her to stay out of it. So she spent several days cooped up in their apartment, sensing Anakin's emotions, but unable to do anything about it.

"Home," he breathed out, turning to smile at her.

She beamed at him and locked the door behind them. They always locked the door now. When they first moved in, they never locked the door. And then they only locked the door when the meditated and went to sleep. But now, it seemed like the smallest interaction between them in their apartment needed to be kept secret.

They hadn't kissed again, not that Ahsoka really minded. In her mind, it testified to their restraint. It proved to Anakin and her that they could keep this a secret. Well, he'd told Padme, she knew that much, but letting in one other person didn't hurt, especially when they were as trustworthy as Padme Amidala.

Anakin pulled Ahsoka into a hug. She returned it with a content sigh, inhaling his scent. "Force, I missed you," she whispered against his robes and he held her tighter.

"I love you," he said as he pressed a kiss to one of her montrals. "I honestly wish I could say it more."

She pulled away, smiling at him before dipping their foreheads together. "You don't have to, Ani."

The love passed between them, free-flowing and easy. Even if they couldn't always verbalize their feelings for each other, they could still feel it. It was always there, underlying any other emotions they felt at any given moment. The Council was blind to it though, as it tended to be to such things. "Come on," she moved away and shoved him in the direction of the kitchen. "I haven't had your cooking in forever."

He chuckled, "Not even going to let me rest?"

"You've been resting for the past four days," she replied as she hopped up onto the counter. "And I'm hungry."

Anakin rolled his eyes as he input the ingredients. While he waited for the computer to give him what he needed, he stepped in between Ahsoka's legs. She smiled at him, settling her arms on his shoulders. He placed a kiss against her nose. "I just realized something..." he said suddenly as they pressed their foreheads together.

She tilted her head, staring at him as he closed his eyes. "And what's that?"

He opened his eyes and blinked at her curious expression. After a second, he pulled back, but didn't move away from her. "I literally can't say 'no' to you."

Ahsoka giggled as she brushed a strand of hair out of his face, "Is that a bad thing, Anakin?"

He smiled at her, catching her hand before she pulled away. He pressed a kiss to each of her fingertips, "I haven't decided yet."

* * *

Ahsoka curled into Anakin's side as caught up on the podraces she recorded for him while he was gone. On her own tablet, she was reading over some study material. It was true that she usually tended to get more training and studying done when Anakin was away, but the past week had brought about so much anxiety that she barely managed to focus on anything for more than a second.

But at the moment, they were both on leave. Coruscant's nightlife thrived outside, but in the comfort of their apartment, Ahsoka and Anakin were completely relaxed and alone. His sudden cheer caught her off-guard for a second, but for the most part, she was used to his outbursts when he watched any sport. She ticked a small mark on her tablet, scribbling a note in the margins of the holobook. Anakin's arm settled back around her shoulders.

"Hey, Snips..."

Ahsoka blinked sleepily and found herself staring up at Anakin. Her head rested on his lap, not an unusual position for her. When did she fall asleep though? Anakin's thumb brushed over her cheek and she leaned into the touch. "Are you ready for bed?" he asked with a warm smile.

She nodded, letting him help her into a seated position. She rubbed at her eyes with a yawn. "How long was I out?" she questioned as Anakin rose to his feet.

He pulled her up with him and she wobbled for a second until he steadied her. "Only about 15 minutes. I would've woken you up earlier, but I wanted to finish the race. Sorry."

The Togruta shook her head with a sleepy grin, "No, I'm glad you got to finish it."

They walked to Anakin's bedroom, hand in hand. Luckily, they'd already changed into her sleep clothes, anticipating this exact scenario. Ahsoka flopped onto the bed without a hint of her usual grace and Anakin chuckled as he extracted the blankets out from under her. The situation felt so intimate and so normal. How many times had they done this exact thing? How many times had she snuggled into Anakin's warmth like this? How many times had he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before switching off the light?

Ahsoka stared up at him in the dark, a small smile perched on her lips. How could any of this be considered wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my Tumblr at [Felilla](https://felilla.tumblr.com/) for updates on all of my work and other fun things.


	12. Chapter 12

She was seated at the kitchen table again. This time, she had been careful not to wake Anakin up. She hated when she caused him to lose some of the precious sleep he so often sought. With a soft sigh, she sipped at the strong herbal tea. What she didn't tell Anakin is that she always made hers twice as strong because the nightmares still constantly plagued her.

War had hardened her, she knew. She was young, not even seventeen, and yet she'd seen so much death. She even died herself.

Her fingers curled into a loose fist, but she forced herself to relax. Many things woke Anakin up. Loud noises, unwanted presences, and Ahsoka's turmoil. She thanked the Force for her ability to wake up from her nightmares soundlessly, though it hadn't always been that way.

The Togruta's stomach turned when she realized just why that was.

She was getting  _used_  to them. She was getting used to being tormented by images she couldn't stop from coming unless she drugged herself.

So she often waited for Anakin to fall asleep before making herself the drought, something Master Shaak Ti had showed her years ago. It worked on most humanoid species, even if it was more specifically for Togrutas. She swallowed down another sip, used to the burn of it when it slipped down her throat.

"How long are you going to stand there?" she called over to her young Master as he leaned against the doorway.

"How long are going to keep doing this?" he countered and her eye-markings raised in surprise. So he had noticed her late night disappearances.

She exhaled, watching the steam from the mug falter before rising again. "As long as it takes..."

"'Soka..."

"I tried not to wake you," she said, interrupting whatever monologue he planned to give her. "Sorry. I know it's hard for you to sleep sometimes."

She didn't look over at him, but she felt his stutter of confusion and then, the heaviness of sorrow. "I wake you up with my nightmares," he said, his voice quiet.

"I'm not usually asleep," she responded as she rested her head on her hand and finally glanced at him.

His expression killed her and so, she had to look away. But suddenly, his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her back against him. Even with a chair separating them, she couldn't help but feel a bit more at ease. But not enough.

"How long?" his voice was right next to her, his breath ghosting over her skin.

"Since Mortis."

She registered his next emotion as defeat and a wave of shame came over her. His grip tightened on her, but she simply slumped. "I'm so pathetic," she whispered, more to herself than to the man holding her.

"No."

Her fingers curled around her mug, fingernails pressed into the heated ceramic until it burned. "Stop!" Anakin latched onto her wrists and pried them off of the cup.

She stared down at her raw skin. "I just want to go to sleep, Anakin," she said, her voice cracking with each word.

"Then let's go to sleep, Ahsoka."

He turned the chair so she was facing him as he knelt in front of her. He pressed her fingertips to his lips, head bowed, eyes closed. "I can't..." she paused. "Will this war be over soon?"

"I don't have an answer for you..." he said as the same emotion of defeat weighed on his shoulder.

Her eyelids felt heavy. The tea was finally kicking in, it seemed. She wrapped her arms around Anakin's neck and buried her face in his hair while he buried his in her thighs. They sat like that for several minutes until Ahsoka softly said, "I think I can fall asleep now."

But she knew that he wouldn't fall asleep again and she hated herself for being the reason he stayed awake for the rest of the night.

* * *

Anakin's fingers worked deftly at latching on the ridiculous headdress for Ahsoka's costume. She looked beautiful, he had to admit. And maybe, if the circumstances were different, he would tell her so, but he abhorred this plan and the reason for the turquoise outfit. Imagining his Snips in chains, a slave like he had once been, disgusted him.

"Calm down, Ani," Ahsoka's voice was soft, dragging him back to reality. "You can't let your feelings get in the way."

He squeezed her shoulder discreetly before clasping the last clip. "You're ready to go," he said.

She adjusted the rings on her fingers as she stood up. She handed her lightsabers over to R2D2 as the plan dictated before facing him. "How do I look?"

"You look great, Snips," he said with a forced smirk.

She made eye contact with him as she sent him a relaxing wave. He inhaled. Exhaled. Her breathing followed him. "This is for my people," she said in a soft voice.

"For your people."

Their fingertips brushed against each other as they returned to the cockpit. "I was starting to think you both died back there," Obi-Wan said as they entered. Rex snorted next to him.

Anakin used his dramatic, fake laugh and winked at his Padawan. She giggled and rolled her eyes. This mission was going to go well, Anakin decided.

* * *

This mission was not going well, Anakin decided.

Anakin dropped down onto the balcony Ahsoka's cage was hanging from. He was surprised to see her meditating and briefly wondered if she meditated without him often. He couldn't meditate without her anymore. If he did, that darkness was there and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hide from it. But Ahsoka's light washed it out of his mind completely.

He was dependent on it. "Heya, Snips," he greeted and she turned to him with a blinding smile.

"Took you long enough."

He used the Force to lift her cage and release her. The moment she was standing, she crushed the shock collar around her neck. His fingers entwined with hers of their own accord. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

She laughed and swung their hands back and forth momentarily. "Just some mild shocking. And you know Molec is a total creep, but what's new?"

Anakin blinked down at her then up at the sky. "What did Molec say exactly?" he questioned, a hint of fury dripping into his tone.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes before offering Anakin a small smile, "Nothing of consequence. Now, do you have a plan?"

He needed to put his personal feelings aside even if he wanted to rip Molec's ears right off of his head. Ahsoka's snort startled him and she grinned up at him. "Oh, come on, Ani. I know what you were thinking," she leaned in, even though no one was around to hear them. "I was thinking it too."

* * *

"You keep going off on these big adventures without me, Snips," Anakin teased after Ahsoka finished telling the story of her mishap with Lux Bonteri. "Even got a betrothed out of it. Pretty soon you won't even need me."

He meant it jokingly, but Ahsoka's smile dropped almost immediately. Her eye-markings knitted together as she focused on his face. His eyes. His nose. His cheekbones. His mouth. "I'll always need you, Anakin," she stated, her tone serious, any former mirth gone.

With a faint smile, Anakin twitched her fingers in his. She returned it after a moment, but her emotions still felt troubled. "I'm not going anywhere, 'Soka," he reassured her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my Tumblr at [Felilla](https://felilla.tumblr.com/) for updates on all of my work and other fun things.


	13. Chapter 13

"Have you ever thought about getting married?"

Ahsoka's words caught him off guard and he glanced over at her with a quirked eyebrow. They were taking his speeder to pick up Obi-Wan after he managed to get stuck on one of the lower levels without transport. She looked over at him, sensing his confusion. "I mean," she huffed out a small laugh and shook her head. "Not  _now_. I know we don't get married... Or fall in love..."

She smirked at him when he rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "I was just wondering if you've ever at least, you know,  _thought_  about it. You did come into the Order pretty late, all things considered," she finished with a half-shrug.

Anakin gnawed on his bottom lip as he steered the speeder around a particularly bad pilot and considered her question. "I mean," he paused. "Well, I mean, yeah. I'm sure I've thought about it more than a few times. Why do you ask?"

"When I was... I'm going to say around nine, a bunch of the other Younglings and I were talking about marriage," she smiled at the bewildered expression on his face. The Temple tried to avoid even talking about things like that, especially to impressionable Younglings. "We saw it on a holo we weren't supposed to be watching. Anyways, we were talking about it and Master Yoda overheard us. And we expected that he'd scold us for breaking the rules, but he just smiled at us and told us that marriage is a sacred bond, deeper than any familial or friendly bond because that person was a family you  _chose_. We didn't understand it, of course, so we just laughed it off and went back to what we were doing."

She looked over at him and he met her blue-eyed gaze, "I think I understand what he meant now."

A loud beep forced Anakin to look away, returning his gaze to the road. "You saying you want to marry me, Snips?" he asked with a laugh.

"I do."

Anakin blinked, the two words surprising him, but she just giggled. "But we're Jedi and we're already breaking a million and two rules, so I won't ask you to," she groaned and buried her face in her hands. "What I'm trying to say is that I choose you, Anakin. You're my family."

He didn't expect the wave of emotion that flooded over him, but he reached over and slipped his fingers between Ahsoka's. She returned the gesture with a squeeze. "I love you," he said, his voice quiet and lost to the roaring of the wind around them.

There was no way she heard him, but Ahsoka still said back, "I love you too."

* * *

This... This couldn't be happening. Anakin buried his face deeper into his hands, shoulders still shaking. With anger and sorrow and something else... Regret? The police station moved on around him, oblivious to the turmoil wrenching at his chest. Ahsoka sat next to him, her thigh brushing against his to offer the most support she could in the crowded room. She'd already given their statement. Now they were just waiting for someone to let them leave.

She was shaking next to him too, her fingernails biting into her upper arm as she tried to avoid fidgeting. He stared at the crescent-shaped marks out the corner of his eye before reaching over and pried them away. She'd drawn blood. Not enough to make him panic, but enough to concern him.

Sill, he said nothing. He didn't know if he'd even be able to find his voice. She patted his hand in understanding, but he could feel how worried she was for him.

Finally, a police droid approached them and let them go home.

* * *

He found Ahsoka at the table again. His mind was still addled by the tea she'd given him and he expected to find her sipping a cup of the same thing. But she wasn't. She was just sitting there, staring blankly at the cabinets. She didn't even stir as he approached. After a moment, she shook her head and looked up at him. "Morning," she said softly.

Was it already morning? That meant today was the funeral. Obi-Wan's funeral. She didn't look like she'd slept at all. And, he thought as he dropped to his knees in front of her, she probably didn't. He dropped his forehead onto her knees and she started to run her fingers through his hair. She was shaking, but the effect still managed to soothe him, if only a little bit.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that.

"We need to get ready," she said, lifting up his head.

He nodded, but made no effort to move. Ahsoka let him kneel there for a few more minutes before standing. He stood with her, clasping onto her hand like a lifeline. And maybe it was. She clung back as she led him back to his room.

She sat on their bed while he dressed, her hands folded in her lap as she stared at their comforter. When he was done, she helped him into his robes before disappearing to her own room, a room she spent almost no time in when they were together. He briefly wondered if she also slept in their bed when he was gone. He hoped she did.

He looked up when she reentered the room, her robe casting a shadow over her solemn expression. He hated seeing her like this, but he was too deep within his own emotions to help her right now. And she understood that. He could see it reflected in her blue eyes and feel it through their bond. She was concerned, but she understood. And that's all he could ask for.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Ahsoka looked up from her studies to where Anakin was seated on the couch. The parade was over. The Chancellor was safe. Obi-Wan was alive. And Anakin still had yet to apologize to the woman he loved. "I'm sorry, 'Soka," he repeated. "I let my emotions get the better of me."

"It's okay," she replied as she stood up. She sat next to him, taking his hand in hers. "I understand, Ani."

He stared down at her. At her beautiful face and striking eyes. After a moment's hesitation, he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. She returned it with more intimacy than passion. It was a quiet moment, not a heated one. He pulled away, a hand still curved around her cheek. "I chose you too," he said after a moment.

Her confusion was immediately replaced with the overwhelming love he'd never grow used to. She flicked his nose and he sputtered, jerking away from her. After a moment, she grabbed his face and kissed him again. "I already knew that, Skyguy."

Anakin rolled his eyes and dropped a hand between her montrals. His gaze darted to the clock tucked away in the corner of the room. "Come on, let's go to bed," he grinned at her as they stood together.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

Ahsoka and Anakin lounged on the floor of the training room after finishing up their rigorous sparring match. The room was empty, which seemed to be a common occurrence when they trained together. Ahsoka figured it likely had more to do with the fact that they tended to get out of hand and move all over the place. It was hard for them to be confined to one spot, especially when the young Togruta had learned most of her combat skills in open spaces.

"They're sending you out on a lot of missions by yourself," Anakin commented before accepting the canteen Ahsoka held out to him.

"I've noticed," she replied with a small smile as she flopped onto her back. She stared up at the high arches that made the Jedi Temple ceiling. It was ostentatious, which was very much against Jedi custom.

Anakin laid down next to her, "I started going on a lot of missions by myself when the Council was considering me for knighthood."

Her eyes widened, elation buzzing at her skin, as she rolled onto her side to look at her Master. "You think they might be?"

He chuckled and smiled up at her, "I don't know, Snips. I was just making an observation."

Ahsoka pouted before propping herself up with her elbow. She watched Anakin as his eyes slid closed, the rise and fall of his chest. The way his lips moved with each inhale. He was very handsome, even more so then she really believed. She'd missed him these past couple of weeks, between her mission on Onderon and the trip to Ilum almost immediately after that. She missed how much stronger his presence was when he stood beside her, though their love always felt a little bit more prominent when they were apart. Distance definitely made their hearts grow fonder because all she wanted to do right now was kiss him, even though they were in a public area of the Temple.

Her hand reached out of its own accord, brushing a stray lock of hair out of his face. His eyes snapped open and he stared at her. She ran her fingers through her hair. When she became a Jedi Knight, she'd have to move out of their apartment. She wouldn't be able to sleep by Anakin's side anymore and their meditation sessions would become much less frequent, if they happened at all. She didn't even know how often she would see him; they would be sent on different missions on different planets.

He grabbed her hand and pressed a quick kiss to the back of it. She smiled faintly at him. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered as long as he loved her and she loved him. She interlaced their fingers together, feeling the thrum of his pulse in his palm. Their love was stronger than distance. Stronger than meditation. Stronger than even the Jedi Council.

Their love knew no bounds.

She felt their love when she jumped from the tunnels.

She felt their love when she ran from the police.

She felt their love when she allied with Ventress.

She felt their love when she was captured.

She felt their love when the Order expelled her.

She felt their love throughout her trial.

She felt their love when Barriss's betrayal was revealed.

She felt their love when the Council welcomed her back.

She felt their love when she looked Anakin in the eye and closed his fingers, fingers she so often held and kissed, around her Padawan silka beads.

She felt their love when she whispered, "I'm sorry, Master, but I'm not coming back."

She felt their love when her chest tightened, like someone had ripped her heart from her body.

She felt their love when she turned her back on the Council.

She felt it as she walked past the pillars.

She felt it as Anakin chased after her.

She felt it as she finally turned to face him, tears forming in her eyes.

She felt it as she told him, "Without the Council. And without you."

And their love stuttered, but it was still there, as strong and boundless as it always was. As unhindered by hate as it always was. Their love was still there and it broke her.

So she cut off their bond. Horror flashed across Anakin's features, but for the first time in years, she couldn't feel it. The space in her heart that he always filled was empty, hollow and dark. She hugged her arms to her body and spun around and, with nothing but the clothes on her back, she left.

It took him less than a day to find her, preparing to board the immigration ship out of Coruscant. She didn't know where she would go, but she needed to leave this planet. Because of the lack of a connection between them, she didn't notice him until he caught her arm. She spun, startled and ready for a fight, but Anakin just stared at her. "Come back," he said, his voice low until it cracked on the next word. "Please."

"I..." she stepped away, but his grip only tightened as desperation filled his features. "I can't, Ani. I can't do this anymore. They didn't trust me. They didn't believe me! They would've let me die."

His breath stuttered in his chest and she could feel the sob building up in her chest. She inhaled shakily, "And I can't live knowing that I'm not allowed to love you. What if they find out about us? Do you think they're just going to let it slide? No, we'll just go through this entire thing again except-"

"Except I'll be by your side," he said softly. "Come back, 'Soka. Come back and I'll keep the Council off your back. Just come be with me. And if you ever want to leave again, I'll let you, I promise. But I need you. The Galaxy needs you. Jedi are dying left and right and if you won't come back for me, then come back for the people that need you. You're too skilled and too loving to turn your back on them. If you leave now, you'll get involved in some other way. At least this way, I know you're alive."

Fuck. He always knew just what to say to her. She reached up, pressing a cold hand to his cheek. He leaned into her touch, eyes hopeful. "Okay," she sighed and shook her head with a fond smile. "But I'm holding you to that promise."

Relief flooded his face as he leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. Almost immediately, they both slipped into a meditative state. His signature reached out for hers and she reached for his. And it was like their bond had never been broken. Their love passed between them, strong enough to send them stumbling back from each other. Anakin whooped and, without caring who could see, picked her up by the waist and whirled her around. "Force, I love you," he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

She giggled and buried her face into his robes, inhaling his scent. Her heart was full again, but something still weighed on her, like a shadow in the corner of her eye. She lifted her gaze to his face and he looked down at her. Their love was as strong and boundless as it always was, but something else was there. Betrayal from the Order had created a small pocket of darkness within her. It wasn't as strong as the one she'd noticed in Anakin when they first meditated together, the one she chased away every time she encountered it, but it was there.

And it pulsed with life.


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry late Christmas, I guess. Hehe. Anyways, slight sexual implications at the end and yes, Ahsoka is 18 at this point in time. Enjoy.

Ahsoka blinked down at the box Anakin had placed in front of her, an eye-marking raised in question. "What's this for?" she questioned as she raised her gaze to his face.

He moved the holos she'd been staring at for the past three hours to the side and pulled his chair up next to hers. "Open it," he nudged the small wrapped present with his index finger.

Her eye-marking didn't budge as she unwrapped the silver paper. She flipped the small box over in her hand and opened it. Ahsoka's shocked expression made Anakin giddy, like he was a small child again. A simple silver band sat on the silk fabric, intricate markings etched into the sides of it. It was attached to a silver chain. She turned her gaze to him, "Is this- We can't-"

"No, no, no," he took the ring out of the box for her and motioned for her to turn around. "It's not an engagement ring."

"Oh."

The relief that flooded through her gave him pause and he tilted his head, "Don't want to marry me anymore, Snips?"

She whirled around to face him with wide eyes, "No, of course I do. I was just- The Council and all that."

He winked at her with a small smirk, "I know. Turn back around."

Ahsoka followed his instructions with a relieved sigh and he clasped the chain around her neck. She shivered when his fingers brushed the collar of her shirt. With the fingers of a detailed mechanic, he tucked the short necklace under her collar, making it so both the ring and the chain were hidden from view. She turned to face him again, her hand going up to the jewelry under her clothing. "What's it for again?" she asked with a faint smile, her hand not moving.

"It's a promise," he said as he brought their foreheads together. "That I'll always love you."

She chuckled, "I love you too."

"I also might've forgotten to get you a birthday present."

With a scoff, she pulled away and punched him in the arm. He rubbed the sore spot with a fake pout. "That hurt, Snips."

"Too bad, Skyguy," she said as she grinned at him. "Thank you."

"Happy eighteenth birthday, 'Soka."

* * *

She could feel it against her skin as she fought. Anakin was only a few yards away, but it was almost as if the small token amplified his love for her. She beamed as she fought her way through the droids, working in tandem with the twin Jedi Masters Tiplar and Tiplee. The sisters worked together impossibly well and Ahsoka couldn't help but wonder if anyone ever thought that about her and Anakin. Probably not, she thought as she shouted some inane inside joke to him.

A sudden commotion from the clones caught her attention and she turned.

Her heart stopped as she stared down the barrel of a blaster. A Republic blaster. Anakin's shout echoed in the background and her instincts kicked in. She smacked the gun out of her face seconds before it went off. Several clones tackled her assailant as a searing pain ripped through her ribs.

She'd been taught her entire life to resist pain, but she still screamed. With a painful gasp, she dropped to her knees and found herself staring straight at Tup. His eyes were wide, bewildered. "What have I done?" he whispered.

Anakin was by her side in a second, helping her off the ground and into another room. Tiplar and Tiplee covered their escape. Ahsoka clung at the wound, breathing heavily. Nothing was serious was damaged as far as she could tell, but  _Force_ that fucking hurt. "Snips? 'Soka? Ahsoka?"

Oh, Anakin was talking to her. And oh! There was medical team right next to her. Despite everything, she grinned up at her Master, "That was unexpected."

He blinked at her once. Twice. Three times. "What is wrong with you?" he hissed, his hand settling on her shoulder and gripping it tightly. "You could've been killed. What happened?"

Ahsoka shrugged, regretting the action immediately as the pain clutched at her side again. "Hold still," the medic commanded her and she was more than happy to oblige.

"I don't know," she turned to Anakin. "One moment everything was fine and then Tup shot me."

"Is that all you remember?" he pushed and she responded with a nod.

It didn't make any sense though. Why would Tup shoot her? He was a good soldier, a good man. She stared down at the floor before raising her gaze back to Anakin's face. "He looked dazed," she said in a quiet voice. "Like it didn't really understand what he was doing."

The male Jedi stared down at her, eyebrows furrowed. "Like a mind trick?"

"No..." she looked away again. "It was probably nothing."

"I wish that was the case with us, Snips," he gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "But it never is."

* * *

How did she end up in this situation? Ahsoka raised her hands in surrender as she stared back at Fives. He looked wild, crazed, criminal. He was saying something, but she wasn't really paying attention. She wasn't even supposed to be out here. She just needed to get out of the stuffy hospital for a few minutes. "Slow down," she said and he stopped, staring at her. "What are you talking about?"

And then he launched into a story too far-fetched to be made up. Her eyes widened more and more with each word, heart pounding in her chest, hands lowering to her sides. Her mind went back to Tup, the dead clone that shot her. He didn't mean to shoot her. "Ahsoka?!"

Her gaze snapped over Fives's shoulder. Anakin. "Get away from him!" he shouted, running towards her.

"Anakin, wait-"

The sound of rapid blaster fire drowned out the words that died on her lips. Fives collapsed in front of her, barely even recognizable from all of his wounds. She inhaled, regretting the choice immediately when the stench of rotting flesh invaded her nose. Force, this was all too much. She turned and vomited.

Anakin knelt down next to her, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. The ring he gave her pressed against her skin, the thought of it amplifying his concern in her head. Her still recovering wound screamed in protest from her violent retching. "Are you okay?" he asked once she managed to stop. He gripped her face with both hands. "Did he hurt you?"

She stared at him with wide, bewildered eyes. She probably looked like Fives had, insane and wild. "We need to go talk to the Council.  _Now_."

* * *

Anakin and Ahsoka sat across from each other in their apartment. She stared out the window while he stared at the door. The presence of several Jedi thrummed outside of their home. This was bad. Really,  _really_  bad.

She'd told the Council everything Fives had told her, nearly overwhelmed by the amount of horror that Anakin felt. They would deal with it. That's what they said, but Ahsoka's faith in the Council had been shaken. The Council told them to stay in their apartment after that.

If what Fives told her was true, then Ahsoka would be targeted and Anakin was too close to the Chancellor to be involved. The male Jedi wouldn't even look at her, but she could feel the turmoil turning over in him. He was fighting with himself, not her. She reached across the table, taking his hand in hers. He squeezed it gently, but didn't do anything else.

The door opened and Ahsoka whirled around to face Obi-Wan as he entered, forgetting about Anakin's hand in hers. His gaze darted to their clasped hands before returning to their faces. "The Chancellor's been kidnapped by Count Dooku," he told them and his gaze landed solely on Anakin. "And you've been sent to rescue him."

Ahsoka could feel the flash of her Master's anger and frustration, so she sent him a wave of calm. "We need answers, Ani," she said in a soft voice, acutely aware of Obi-Wan's confused stare.

But the nickname had the effect she'd wanted. He relaxed and nodded, "Okay, Snips, let's go rescue a traitor."

* * *

They made sure to keep the atmosphere between them light. It made it easier for them to keep their emotions in check that way. "Fifty-four," she called to Anakin as she casually strolled up to the elevator.

He leaned in close to her as he walked past, "Forty- _five_."

She glared up at him, her gaze quickly turning fond. They punched in the right floor and she brushed her fingers against his. Their anger still lurked there and, Ahsoka noted with no small amount of anxiety, their darkness. The elevator stalled. Ahsoka groaned, kicking the door. Their lightness dipped and she scrambled for the vestiges of it. "Race you to the top!" she jumped out of the elevator and into the shaft.

Anakin was right on her heels.

* * *

 

He forgot how young she was sometimes. Ahsoka, bold and brave, reckless and impatient, intelligent and precocious. Once, she'd reflected her age, a young girl of fourteen that though she was ready to on the world. Now, his former Padawan was eighteen and a newly appointed Jedi knight.

Something weighted heavily on her throughout the ceremony and when they locked eyes from across the room, he felt the crushing weight of burden instead of the elation he expected. She'd been raised in the Order. This was one of the moments she'd prepared for her entire life. When the Masters finished the motions, she tanked them in a quiet voice before excusing herself.

Anakin didn't hesitate to follow her.

He caught her hand in his, loosely twining their fingers together. It was an intimate gesture to brandish so openly, one that had the potential to mean a million different things.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, his voice soft as they wedged themselves between two pillars for some semblance of privacy.

"Nothing," she responded, but the emotions radiating off of her told him a different story.

"Ahsoka."

Her azure eyes locked onto his, as bright and caring as they'd always been. But they didn't hold the same glimmer they'd had on their mission to rescue the traitorous Chancellor. She'd worked so hard to keep that glimmer there as they joked about how many droids they killed.

The glimmer had vanished when he hesitated to kill Dooku and she delivered the final blow. They'd kept that part to themselves in the reports, but between outing Palpatine and her valor on the mission, she'd been awarded the rank of Jedi Knight.

"It's nothing, Anankin," she assured him, squeezing his fingers before stepping out from behind the pillars. "I'm going to go meditate."

He watched her walk away, saw the way she inhaled deeply and wrapped her arms around herself. And he knew there wasn't anything he could do at the moment. He shoved a hand through his hair, at a loss for what to do.

"Is Ahsoka okay?"

Anakin turned towards Obi-Wan, his shoulders turned up in a half-shrug. "I don't know."

Obi-Wan glanced in the direction the Togruta had walked away in before meeting Anakin's stormy gaze. "Is something going on between you two?"

Anakin's expression immediately hardened, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Anakin..."

"Excuse me," Anakin bowed to his companion.

Obi-Wan made no move to stop him as Anakin followed the path left by Ahsoka.

She say on the bed in their shared quarters, one leg pulled up against her chest as she stared despondently at the ground, an empty suitcase open beside her. Over the years, their apartment had become their home, gathering knickknacks from their travels. Their scents hung heavily in the air, so clearly and potently  _them_  that Anakin couldn't help but feel a bit more at ease there.

"Heya, Snips," he greeted when he decided she was most definitely not meditating.

She just hummed in response, swinging her other leg back and forth so it dragged across the marble floors of the Temple. Her lightsabers sat next to her. Anakin eased himself down next to her and she accepting his outstretched hand without question as she leaned into his soldi form.

In this lighting, she looked mature and stunning, the dusk accentuating the markings on her face. She played idly with their fingers, twitching them back and forth in silence. "Do you remember your promise?"

He glanced down at her, eyebrows furrowed. He'd promised Ahsoka many things over the years, each one blurring together into the most important one. To protect her. He opened his mouth to reply, but she just nestled closer to him. "When I was about to leave Coruscant," she clarified, likely sensing his confusion before he could voice it.

His heart stuttered as he glanced down at her, "You mean that you can leave the Order whenever you want?"

She bobbed her head once and attempted to pull her hand away, but he latched onto it. "I killed him, Anakin," she said.

"Who?" he glanced down, surprised to find her already looking at him. "Dooku?" You've killed dozens of people, Snips."

She laughed, the sound humorless and forced. "Thanks, Skyguy," she nudged him in a very soft, not Ahsoka-like way, and dropped her gaze.

"My point is... Dooku was dangerous and you killed him to keep people safe."

"I killed him because you hesitated," she responded, like she'd practiced this conversation in her head a million times. "Because I wanted to. I would've killed Palpatine too if we didn't need him."

"Ahsoka..."

"You feel it, don't you?" she glanced up at him and he saw something in her eyes that he'd only brushed up against during their meditation. "The pull to the Dark Side?"

Anakin had lied to a lot of people in his life. Even to Ahsoka on occasion, but they were alone in a moment of complete trust. This was the most she'd said at once since they returned from their mission to rescue the Chancellor. Since she drove her lightsabers through Count Dooku's heart. "Yes," he answered.

"Does that make us monsters?"

Ahsoka? A monster? No, the thought was inconceivable to him. She was Ahsoka.  _His_  Ahsoka. He tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. "No."

"I think..." she paused before shaking her head and pulling her other knee up to her chest.

He nudged her thigh, "What is it, 'Soka?"

"Nevermind. Forget I brought anything up. Are we still good for dinner tonight to celebrate?"

He blinked at the rapid change in conversation before yanking Ahsoka onto his lap. She didn't hesitate, burrowing herself into his robes. His chest rose and fell against hers, in perfect sync, like they always were. She inhaled when he exhaled, a crescendo to a pianissimo. "Sometimes, I feel like I should give in," she said into his chest, her voice muffled by the thick fabric. She pulled away and stared into his eyes. "Sometimes, I want to give in. Bit I don't want to be a Sith, Anakin."

He winced when her voice broke. He hated hearing the effects of the inner turmoil that bubbled in her because Ahsoka was a pillar of strength for him. Even he's only seen her cry and handful of times. "A balance," he whispered, nestling his face in between her montrals.

"Yes," she dropped her forehead onto his chest again. "Exactly."

"And you don't think you can do that here?"

"No."

"Do you really want to leave the Order now?"

She shook her head, "Not until we find Grievous and this war is over."

"And then?"

"Probably."

"Ahs-"

"Will you come with me?"

Silence filled the room as she reached up, pressing her chilly hands against his cheeks and bringing their foreheads together. She was warm. Ever since she nearly froze to death, Ahsoka had had cold fingers and a warm body. He still didn't understand the logic behind it. "Will you come with me when I leave?" she asked again, her voice barely above a whisper.

He nudged his nose against hers. They still rarely kissed, it seemed. And their "I love yous" were saved for moment when no one would hear them. They were boundaries between them, boundaries made for the Order, to keep them safe. If they left, those boundaries would be gone. "How could I say no?"

Her smile made Anakin's head spin, like all of the air had been sucked from his lungs, like he was flying and nothing was in front of him except open sky. Her cold fingers raked through his hair as she beamed at him. Suddenly, her smile tilted and Anakin watched with bated breath as her vibrant blue eyes dipped away from his, settling on his lips. "Can I-" she whispered.

"Yes."

He brought their lips together, a small harmless peck. He made to pull away, but she chased after him. Pulled him into a more passionate kiss. Desperation in each movement. Love spilling between them.

She flung the suitcase off of her bed and it clattered to the floor. It wasn't until she was pulling Anakin on top of her did he stop. He hovered, half on top of her, half sitting up. She stared up at him, "Ani?"

"Snips..." he smirked when a harmless pout tugged at her lips.

Her around wound around his neck and she tugged him towards her. "I have to move out today," she whispered, almost conspiratorially, like some kind of secret information had passed between them.

Sadness settled on Anakin. Once she moved, they'd be separated. No more late nights spent lying in bed. No more meditating with their foreheads pressed together in the comfort of their home.

Would this apartment even be home without Ahsoka lounging on the couch with him while they watch holos or kissing her feet against the counter while he cooked breakfast? The days she'd been gone had been long and empty and all too quiet without her infectious laughter or even the simple knowledge of her presence in the other room.

Her hands brushed against his cheek, dragging him back to reality. A reality where she was still with him, in the same apartment, the same room, the same bed. He placed his warm hand over her cold one and their fingers entwined.

She wasn't smooth beneath him. Scars buried themselves under her skin, mostly healed by bacta, but still there, still tangible. He grazed over one on her shoulder from a mission years ago, where she'd saved Padme from an assassin.

"What are you thinking about?" she whispered and his gaze traveled across her, her arms, her waist, her thighs and breasts and shoulders. The curve of her cheekbone. The angle of her jaw. The upturn of her nose. Her thick lashed and full lips. The white marking decoration her orange skin. Her hollow montrals and smooth lekku.

"You're beautiful," he breathed out, squeezing her hand. "I think you might be the most exquisite being in the Galaxy."

Her lekku darkened to a darker shade of blue, a blush. "You're not half bad either," she joked, her eyes darting from the wall to him and back to him.

Anakin leaned down and pressed a kiss against her jawline. She guided their faces together, their foreheads leaning against one another, before she placed another kiss on his lips.

This time, he didn't hesitate. Didn't know if he could, even if he wanted to. His leg swung over her body of its own accord, deepening the already passionate kiss. He moved away from her lips, peppering gentle kiss on every space of bare skin. "Anakin," Ahsoka gasped out and he raised his head to look at her curiously. She ran a free hand through his hair. "Make love to me."

Before he could ask for affirmations, assure her that they didn't have to do anything. They didn't even have to ever kiss again if she never wanted to. All that mattered to him was that she remained by his side. Before a single word left his mouth, she cupped his cheek. "Please."

* * *

Anakin awoke to a knocking on the door, finding himself naked and tangled in the sheets. Ahsoka's bare legs looped with his as she slept, her head settled on his chest. It was a familiar, yet different position to the one he tended to wake up in.

Another knock sounded, waking up his senses. He was naked, in bed with his equally naked former Padawan. Fuck. He extracted himself from her as carefully as possible, beckoning the Force to keep her asleep. She needed it. Dressing quickly was easy. He was a soldier a lot of the time and dressing before a fight had become something of a habit.

Not that he expected a fight to ensue from this. The knocked echoed again and Ahsoka shifted. He whirled around to face her, but she simply nestled back against her pillow.

He entered their lounge, looking as put together as he always was. When he opened to door, Obi-Wan hovered outside of it, his eyebrow quirked in question. "What took you so long?"

"Was in the 'fresher," Anakin shrugged. "You need something?"

His former master squinted at him and Anakin felt a spike of panic run through him, but managed to keep his poker face intact. "Ahsoka never arrived at her new quarters."

Anakin breathed out a sigh of relief, "I thought something was wrong. She was asleep when I got back, so I'm leaving her be for now."

"Oh," Obi-Wan shifted awkwardly. "Has she been sleeping okay?"

The honest answer was no. No, she hadn't been for at least a year and half. Maybe longer. Nightmares haunted her every night, now amplified by the sheer terror of being chased by people she once called allies. Strange visions beckoned to her and she had to chug down strong herbal tea just to keep them at bay. Anakin's shoulders sagged, any semblance of a collected demeanor lost to his concern for Ahsoka. "That bad, hmm?"

"Yeah," he didn't have the energy to lie.

"I'll..." Obi-Wan paused, as if reconsidering anything he was going to say. "I'll talk to the Council. Tell them that she probably needs some familiar surroundings right now..."

Anakin blinked at Obi-Wan, his words flying over his head before ricocheting to hit him. Ahsoka didn't have to move yet. "I think that would be wise, Master," he bowed his head in thanks.

"You should probably take a shower," Obi-Wan told him as he turned away from the door. "You reek."

Anakin chuckled and rolled his eyes as the door slid closed and locked. "Hear that, Snips?" he half-called to the Torguta leaning against her door.

He turned to her, finding a sheet draped around her body. He melted. If she asked him, he would follow her to the ends of the universe. She made the Gods ashamed, a goddess in mortal form. She smiled faintly at him, "Come back to bed, Ani."

He couldn't say no.

 


End file.
